Hi Friends,
I'm sharing my new interest. Poetry.
I've found that sometimes my thoughts better express in a poem. Be it rhyming, or just words.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy them!
You can find them at:
Thanks for reading!
~Erica
Sunday, December 26, 2010
New Blog For The Poet in All Of Us
Saturday, June 12, 2010
As if it wasn't hard enough being an adult...
Hi friends,
I am just getting home from work, and felt the urge to get these thoughts out on paper...well, electronic media anyway...but who cares about technicalities...especially at 12:20 AM, right? :)
Anywhooo,
What I wanted to share was that today I had another realization. Now please bear with me, and realize that I humbly say realization in the perspective that I'VE realized something new, and that I'm sure there are many (if not most or all) of you that have already figured out this quite common sense realization all on your own.
Anyway, what is this 'realization' you ask? Well, it's really quite simple. And to illustrate, let me take you back to the time I learned to ride bike, or drive my first car...
For me, I remember in both cases, first starting out, making my way slowly, then steadily faster, then increasing my pedaling, or, on the gas pedal, until I could actually say, "I'm riding!" or "I'm driving!" Also, in both instances, I recall there being roadblocks or barriers, literally objects in my way! Now rather than stop. slow down, or swerve like a more experienced rider or driver would have done, I found myself looking, staring straight at that object...not changing direction nor slowing down... it was like my eyes were glued and I was being pulled or drawn directly into it!
Thank God my parents were there (frantically YELLING) telling me to "STOP!" And thankfully they snapped me into my higher level of thinking and STOP I did!
What happened? Why didn't I swerve?? Why couldn't I avoid something that was so obviously bad for me?
Well, I asked my dad that very question, and his answer so succinctly and so perfectly made sense, in his very common sensical way that his bits of advice often did...and still do.
He said, "You go where you look"
Wow.
So simple, yet so powerful. You go where you look.
Doesn't that just explain so much about our world, our lives, our choices, our identities?
You go where you look! So, what does this have to do with me, and this blog?
Well, I had a conversation earlier today with a friend about how we as parents and adults need to provide our children with healthy role models. After all, if we go where we look, so will they, right?
Well, what are we giving them to look at, and where will they go?
Overall, I think we do a very good job of instinctively knowing what we DON'T want to become. I DON'T want to be a liar or a cheater or a thief. I DON'T want to be poor. I DON'T want to be a lazy parent.
But is that the right way to become who we WANT to become? How do you know if you've achieved it? How can you measure whether or not you're successful in NOT becoming something?
I don't think we can. I think we instead need to set goals of who we WANT to be. What we WANT to do. That way we can measure it and decisively know "yes or no" did we achieve what we set out to do.
Well, same goes for kids and teens. As adults we have the luxury of fine-tuning who we already are and who we want to ultimately become. Our youth, on the other hand, are just starting out...and boy, do they need a LOT of help!
The conversation I had helped me to really understand that if we don't give our kids healthy relationships and healthy positive examples to look at, watch, study, and absorb, then how will they know what TO become versus what NOT TO become?
Well, I wrote this today on my facebook status, and I think it sums up my thoughts pretty well.
"A child can't base his future self on who he DOESN'T want to become, but rather, on who he DOES. So our job as adults is to give them many excellent examples of who and what they SHOULD become. Not what or who they SHOULDN'T."
My post received a "Like", so in the world of social networking, I guess that's a good sign. :)
So, as these thoughts are rolling around in my head, I think about myself and my son. Have I provided him with MORE examples of who he may WANT to become versus who he may NOT? I desperately hope so! And more importantly, have I provided him with enough?
And then, as I drove into work, my thoughts shifted from my son, to the children and teenagers I work with. What about them? Do they have enough? Certainly my coworkers and I provide them with many wonderfully loving and healthy examples and positive role modeling... but is it enough?
Why do so many of them struggle with figuring out who they are and who they want to become? And then thoughts streamed back to my own past and youth. It wasn't perfect either, and I often struggled with knowing what kind of person I should become, and then later on as a teen and young adult, what type of mate I should want for myself? I see these kids going through that as well.
My youth...my son...his future...teenagers...children...lack of role models...broken homes...tired parents... I had a stirring in my head of words, thoughts, and feelings...
And out poured this poem... I hope you don't mind, and I hope you don't judge, as it really just came out right as I got to work and found the first computer I could to write it down.
I am just getting home from work, and felt the urge to get these thoughts out on paper...well, electronic media anyway...but who cares about technicalities...especially at 12:20 AM, right? :)
Anywhooo,
What I wanted to share was that today I had another realization. Now please bear with me, and realize that I humbly say realization in the perspective that I'VE realized something new, and that I'm sure there are many (if not most or all) of you that have already figured out this quite common sense realization all on your own.
Anyway, what is this 'realization' you ask? Well, it's really quite simple. And to illustrate, let me take you back to the time I learned to ride bike, or drive my first car...
For me, I remember in both cases, first starting out, making my way slowly, then steadily faster, then increasing my pedaling, or, on the gas pedal, until I could actually say, "I'm riding!" or "I'm driving!" Also, in both instances, I recall there being roadblocks or barriers, literally objects in my way! Now rather than stop. slow down, or swerve like a more experienced rider or driver would have done, I found myself looking, staring straight at that object...not changing direction nor slowing down... it was like my eyes were glued and I was being pulled or drawn directly into it!
Thank God my parents were there (frantically YELLING) telling me to "STOP!" And thankfully they snapped me into my higher level of thinking and STOP I did!
What happened? Why didn't I swerve?? Why couldn't I avoid something that was so obviously bad for me?
Well, I asked my dad that very question, and his answer so succinctly and so perfectly made sense, in his very common sensical way that his bits of advice often did...and still do.
He said, "You go where you look"
Wow.
So simple, yet so powerful. You go where you look.
Doesn't that just explain so much about our world, our lives, our choices, our identities?
You go where you look! So, what does this have to do with me, and this blog?
Well, I had a conversation earlier today with a friend about how we as parents and adults need to provide our children with healthy role models. After all, if we go where we look, so will they, right?
Well, what are we giving them to look at, and where will they go?
Overall, I think we do a very good job of instinctively knowing what we DON'T want to become. I DON'T want to be a liar or a cheater or a thief. I DON'T want to be poor. I DON'T want to be a lazy parent.
But is that the right way to become who we WANT to become? How do you know if you've achieved it? How can you measure whether or not you're successful in NOT becoming something?
I don't think we can. I think we instead need to set goals of who we WANT to be. What we WANT to do. That way we can measure it and decisively know "yes or no" did we achieve what we set out to do.
Well, same goes for kids and teens. As adults we have the luxury of fine-tuning who we already are and who we want to ultimately become. Our youth, on the other hand, are just starting out...and boy, do they need a LOT of help!
The conversation I had helped me to really understand that if we don't give our kids healthy relationships and healthy positive examples to look at, watch, study, and absorb, then how will they know what TO become versus what NOT TO become?
Well, I wrote this today on my facebook status, and I think it sums up my thoughts pretty well.
"A child can't base his future self on who he DOESN'T want to become, but rather, on who he DOES. So our job as adults is to give them many excellent examples of who and what they SHOULD become. Not what or who they SHOULDN'T."
My post received a "Like", so in the world of social networking, I guess that's a good sign. :)
So, as these thoughts are rolling around in my head, I think about myself and my son. Have I provided him with MORE examples of who he may WANT to become versus who he may NOT? I desperately hope so! And more importantly, have I provided him with enough?
And then, as I drove into work, my thoughts shifted from my son, to the children and teenagers I work with. What about them? Do they have enough? Certainly my coworkers and I provide them with many wonderfully loving and healthy examples and positive role modeling... but is it enough?
Why do so many of them struggle with figuring out who they are and who they want to become? And then thoughts streamed back to my own past and youth. It wasn't perfect either, and I often struggled with knowing what kind of person I should become, and then later on as a teen and young adult, what type of mate I should want for myself? I see these kids going through that as well.
My youth...my son...his future...teenagers...children...lack of role models...broken homes...tired parents... I had a stirring in my head of words, thoughts, and feelings...
And out poured this poem... I hope you don't mind, and I hope you don't judge, as it really just came out right as I got to work and found the first computer I could to write it down.
My parents and Me
Why don't they understand, I don't know who to be?
Why do they get so mad when I copy what I see?
They say I need to be this great person but deep inside I don't know who that is…
because they've never been this great person, for me.
I only know who to become when I see it. Don't they know?!
When I learn to ride my bike, what I see is where I go.
When I learn to drive a car, what I see is where I go.
When I learn to be an adult, what I see is where I go!
I can't go where I haven't seen.
I can't become who I haven't seen.
If I see what I shouldn't, that's exactly what I'll be. Don't they see?
Don't they see?!
Why can't THEY be what I want to become…for me?
*********************************************************************
This ends my blog tonight. I'm not sure what message I'm trying to get across. I guess I'll leave it to you to decide. Common sense or not, you be the judge, as I'm off to bed, mentally drained, yet in a way, quite fulfilled that I've added yet one more chapter to my list of realizations...
Good Night Friends, God Bless, and sleep well.
PS, and thank you to everyone who's given me opportunities to see who I wanted to be.
~Erica
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Facing the Sea of Variety!
Hi all,
Yes, I realize it's been far too long since I sat down and poured out all the ramblings that tumble around in this blonde head of mine...
Hmmm, where to begin? Well, I think what I'll share about at this particular moment is the epiphany I had, just recently, when I realized that the moment I stopped searching for something, *POOF* it appeared.
Basically, and for those of you who know me best, I'm back to talking about relationships... Yes people...back to men... Bear with me...
Relationships to me are like air. They are what keep me going each day. Some people need a sense of accomplishment, some a sense of superiority. Some need to fill a desire for goodness through beauty and the senses, and the rest of us, well we desire to have fulfilling relationships and to improve ourselves to the highest form of self-actualization. (Sound familiar to my nursing colleagues?...yep...We're talking Maslow).
So, you may think, "but Erica, I thought you were taking a break from 'dating'... What's up?" Well, I did, and in a way, I still am. I've just decided that I'm no longer looking for that specific "one". I'm going to go out and try to meet the most fun and interesting people I can. If I can't live a life full of adventure and excitement (after all, how in the heck do I fit any MORE into my already jam-packed life??), then I'll just meet people who do, and enjoy it through them. :)
Case in point, I decided to jump back onto a dating website... *groan*.... I know... but hey, it's free, and really, what do I have to lose?
And of course I see the sea of faces I've seen on other sites over the past 4 years...some people I've dated, some I've avoided, and some I actually know from real life!
In my "search" I selected an age, a marital status, a location, height, body type, healthy lifestyle choices, etc.... all with the results that I found a whole lot of the same... People who were out living their lives, just like me... Work, fun, kids, sleep, work, fun, kids, sleep, and on and on and on....
If I really truly want to get out and meet new and interesting people, this just doesn't seem to be the ticket.
So, I'm searching one day and lo and behold, there is a picture of a particularly attractive man and a most interesting profile. For some strange reason, his picture really caught my eye and I felt that little *jump* in my chest. (Come one ladies...you know the feeling.) And so, with a very quick 'click' of the mouse, I proceeded to "favorite" him to my list.
It wasn't until the next day and after I received a most pleasant response that I realized this particular man was a smoker, and in other ways, didn't fit into my original neat and tidy little search engine... (Initial panic!) But then....hmmm......
"Well" I say to myself. This is it... I either go forward and see where this leads, or hide and stay in my boring safe little world.
So, I took the chance. Let me tell ya friends, I'm glad I did.
My horizons are being broadened, adventures are arriving, and I've had more fun in the last few days than I've had in the last 6 months!
So, the point to my blog today...?
OPEN your horizons, TRY something new, STEP out of your comfort zone!!
Life is going by very quickly and it's way too short to not get out and fulfill your needs, but do it in a way that's different, new, and brings variety to your life!
For you "task doers", do something that isn't necessarily prudent or practical! For you "intellectuals", try something silly! For you "artists", let yourself be criticized, and for us "relationship-tenders", open your eyes and meet someone out of your realm of familiar identity. We'll all become fuller, better rounded, and more secure individuals in the long run.
I believe there's a purpose behind this 'chance' encounter. And I'm open to the lessons I'm learning. It's a cool feeling to know that in the great big picture of life, God has a plan for even something so simple as a second glance at a picture in a sea of faces...
Yes, I realize it's been far too long since I sat down and poured out all the ramblings that tumble around in this blonde head of mine...
Hmmm, where to begin? Well, I think what I'll share about at this particular moment is the epiphany I had, just recently, when I realized that the moment I stopped searching for something, *POOF* it appeared.
Basically, and for those of you who know me best, I'm back to talking about relationships... Yes people...back to men... Bear with me...
Relationships to me are like air. They are what keep me going each day. Some people need a sense of accomplishment, some a sense of superiority. Some need to fill a desire for goodness through beauty and the senses, and the rest of us, well we desire to have fulfilling relationships and to improve ourselves to the highest form of self-actualization. (Sound familiar to my nursing colleagues?...yep...We're talking Maslow).
So, you may think, "but Erica, I thought you were taking a break from 'dating'... What's up?" Well, I did, and in a way, I still am. I've just decided that I'm no longer looking for that specific "one". I'm going to go out and try to meet the most fun and interesting people I can. If I can't live a life full of adventure and excitement (after all, how in the heck do I fit any MORE into my already jam-packed life??), then I'll just meet people who do, and enjoy it through them. :)
Case in point, I decided to jump back onto a dating website... *groan*.... I know... but hey, it's free, and really, what do I have to lose?
And of course I see the sea of faces I've seen on other sites over the past 4 years...some people I've dated, some I've avoided, and some I actually know from real life!
In my "search" I selected an age, a marital status, a location, height, body type, healthy lifestyle choices, etc.... all with the results that I found a whole lot of the same... People who were out living their lives, just like me... Work, fun, kids, sleep, work, fun, kids, sleep, and on and on and on....
If I really truly want to get out and meet new and interesting people, this just doesn't seem to be the ticket.
So, I'm searching one day and lo and behold, there is a picture of a particularly attractive man and a most interesting profile. For some strange reason, his picture really caught my eye and I felt that little *jump* in my chest. (Come one ladies...you know the feeling.) And so, with a very quick 'click' of the mouse, I proceeded to "favorite" him to my list.
It wasn't until the next day and after I received a most pleasant response that I realized this particular man was a smoker, and in other ways, didn't fit into my original neat and tidy little search engine... (Initial panic!) But then....hmmm......
"Well" I say to myself. This is it... I either go forward and see where this leads, or hide and stay in my boring safe little world.
So, I took the chance. Let me tell ya friends, I'm glad I did.
My horizons are being broadened, adventures are arriving, and I've had more fun in the last few days than I've had in the last 6 months!
So, the point to my blog today...?
OPEN your horizons, TRY something new, STEP out of your comfort zone!!
Life is going by very quickly and it's way too short to not get out and fulfill your needs, but do it in a way that's different, new, and brings variety to your life!
For you "task doers", do something that isn't necessarily prudent or practical! For you "intellectuals", try something silly! For you "artists", let yourself be criticized, and for us "relationship-tenders", open your eyes and meet someone out of your realm of familiar identity. We'll all become fuller, better rounded, and more secure individuals in the long run.
I believe there's a purpose behind this 'chance' encounter. And I'm open to the lessons I'm learning. It's a cool feeling to know that in the great big picture of life, God has a plan for even something so simple as a second glance at a picture in a sea of faces...
Monday, March 15, 2010
"God will provide"
Besides "Get out of your mind and into your life", "God will provide" is my other favorite motto. It encompasses everything. What will I do with my life? What is my purpose? What should I do to find motivation? How do I be a better mother? How do I solve this particular problem? When will I find a good husband? How do I pay off all my debt? How will I finish school? And on and on and on....
When God answers our prayers in a way that we can actually recognize them...it's a powerful event. Sitting back and watching all the pieces of our lives fall into place like a giant Tetris game. Its at those moments that I realize just how powerful and all knowing God is. How one little event may not seem like much, and then down the road after a series of other seemingly unimportant and unconnected events, they all suddenly line up into a perfect combination that answers the prayers I've been saying for years... Aaaahh. God is good. :)
I'm being a bit vague I realize, and so to elaborate on my current life's adventures, I've been praying to know my purpose for quite some time... I've always known I wanted to work with kids. Be a teacher? No, that didn't work out. I needed a closer connection with children then standing in front of a chalk board. I'm way too introverted for that...plus, I hate public speaking...
So, nursing was God's answer for me... First, medical nursing with adults, just to figure out how to interact with someone intimately, but professionally. Then, off to child psych, where I learned how to work with TEENAGERS. Boy, talk about self therapy...I think I grew up fast that year... Any issues I had about having my own tough adolescence were quickly dealt with and healed!
Then, how to better my personal life. God allowed me the resources and support to finish school and to work on my house. I have had such a supportive group of family AND friends. I'm truly blessed.
And now, facing the next challenge in my mind...a crossroads. Do I go back to school for my nurse practitioner, or do I focus on making a difference here and now. I've wanted to start support groups in the community for kids dealing with mental health stress. I want to put the skills I have as a psych nurse to good use. And, I want to make a difference.
Peace Church has given me the opportunity to join others with the same dreams and goals. Sacred conversations on race issues. Lenten services talking about race, equality, and social activism. And now, with a unique opportunity to work with a woman who has taken the steps to make a difference in the lives of underprivileged, abused, and struggling kids, and she's invited me to join them on a regular basis for support and education groups.
I have to just say Amen! Praise God because in helping others, God has answered my prayers as well. I only hope now that I can live up to the expectations I have for myself.
I've set certain things in my life aside for now. Dating, traveling, home improvements. I set these things aside before I even knew what God had in store for me. I did so because I followed that calling within me. That calling that said, "Trust me. I will provide." And he has.
Dear God, Thank you for the light I feel inside me. I feel focused, fulfilled, and directed. I know that I'm not perfect and every day I struggle, but I trust that your plan for me is good. When I speak to kids, I trust that you will fill my head and my mouth with the words they need to hear. When I see a child needing a hug, I trust the Holy Spirit to fill me with courage to hug them. And when I am tired and worn, and I just want to be alone, you remind me that as a mother, I've been blessed with the gift of a son who needs my time, my love, and my encouragement. I pray you give me the strength to be a witness to the love of Jesus. AMEN!
Peace friends,
~Erica
When God answers our prayers in a way that we can actually recognize them...it's a powerful event. Sitting back and watching all the pieces of our lives fall into place like a giant Tetris game. Its at those moments that I realize just how powerful and all knowing God is. How one little event may not seem like much, and then down the road after a series of other seemingly unimportant and unconnected events, they all suddenly line up into a perfect combination that answers the prayers I've been saying for years... Aaaahh. God is good. :)
I'm being a bit vague I realize, and so to elaborate on my current life's adventures, I've been praying to know my purpose for quite some time... I've always known I wanted to work with kids. Be a teacher? No, that didn't work out. I needed a closer connection with children then standing in front of a chalk board. I'm way too introverted for that...plus, I hate public speaking...
So, nursing was God's answer for me... First, medical nursing with adults, just to figure out how to interact with someone intimately, but professionally. Then, off to child psych, where I learned how to work with TEENAGERS. Boy, talk about self therapy...I think I grew up fast that year... Any issues I had about having my own tough adolescence were quickly dealt with and healed!
Then, how to better my personal life. God allowed me the resources and support to finish school and to work on my house. I have had such a supportive group of family AND friends. I'm truly blessed.
And now, facing the next challenge in my mind...a crossroads. Do I go back to school for my nurse practitioner, or do I focus on making a difference here and now. I've wanted to start support groups in the community for kids dealing with mental health stress. I want to put the skills I have as a psych nurse to good use. And, I want to make a difference.
Peace Church has given me the opportunity to join others with the same dreams and goals. Sacred conversations on race issues. Lenten services talking about race, equality, and social activism. And now, with a unique opportunity to work with a woman who has taken the steps to make a difference in the lives of underprivileged, abused, and struggling kids, and she's invited me to join them on a regular basis for support and education groups.
I have to just say Amen! Praise God because in helping others, God has answered my prayers as well. I only hope now that I can live up to the expectations I have for myself.
I've set certain things in my life aside for now. Dating, traveling, home improvements. I set these things aside before I even knew what God had in store for me. I did so because I followed that calling within me. That calling that said, "Trust me. I will provide." And he has.
Dear God, Thank you for the light I feel inside me. I feel focused, fulfilled, and directed. I know that I'm not perfect and every day I struggle, but I trust that your plan for me is good. When I speak to kids, I trust that you will fill my head and my mouth with the words they need to hear. When I see a child needing a hug, I trust the Holy Spirit to fill me with courage to hug them. And when I am tired and worn, and I just want to be alone, you remind me that as a mother, I've been blessed with the gift of a son who needs my time, my love, and my encouragement. I pray you give me the strength to be a witness to the love of Jesus. AMEN!
Peace friends,
~Erica
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Got Grace?
So, yes, big surprise, I have a tendency to get stuck inside my head every once in a while... :)
There's a saying, sometimes people choose psychiatry...and sometimes, psychiatry chooses them... Well, I believe it chose me. I believe I bring some of my gifts to my job, but more so, child psychiatry has brought so much to my life.
What does this have to do with being 'stuck' inside my head? Bear with me...my points in here somewhere... :)
Maybe it's the introvert part of me, or maybe it's the intuitive part of me, OR, maybe its just part of being human!... But, whatever it is, I sometimes have thoughts that spin and spin and dig and swirl and at times, almost paralyze me. Stressful thoughts can be either strong motivators, OR, they can feel like 1000 times the force of gravity, making it nearly impossible to even get out of bed in the morning!
So, here's a perfect example of how God's grace has worked its way through my life in the form of child psychiatry... We have this book that we give kids called, "Get Out Of Your Mind and Into Your Life". Wow! What a perfect motto! Well, I know from experience that for many of the teens I've worked with, this book has been a life saver. And for me, it's been no less than that. Have I read it? Well, no, but the title...a motto...a mantra... that phrase has been enough to keep me going on more than a few days. And praise God for it!!
It seems kind of silly, but I have occasionally, literally, spent an entire day feeling like a wind up toy...winding myself up by repeating those words over and over, and doing work, being productive, and, "Getting Into My Live," even when my thoughts try to suck me back down into a stand-still.
And well, I guess, for all of us, some days are like that...
And on those days, I'm just so thankful for God choosing child psychiatry for me...and helping me to stay focused on the beauty that is my life. :)
Dear God, Thank you so much for your Grace. I'm unworthy of it but still, I'm whole heartedly thankful. And Lord, thank you for the gifts you've given me in this life. My friends, my family, my home, my son, and my career. You've granted me the opportunity to be helpful, and even more, to be helped. Everyday I'm touched by the kindness of my fellow nurses, and by the richness of the lives of our patients. Thank you for helping me to grow, appreciate, and strengthen my ability to love others, even when life is hard, and teenage attitudes are even harder! I pray that every day I become a better nurse and in your name I will carry out your plan, to help, to heal, to love, and to be an example of a good and caring woman, mother, and nurse. AMEN!
By God's Grace...we live another beautiful day, and "get into our lives".
Peace friends!
~Erica
There's a saying, sometimes people choose psychiatry...and sometimes, psychiatry chooses them... Well, I believe it chose me. I believe I bring some of my gifts to my job, but more so, child psychiatry has brought so much to my life.
What does this have to do with being 'stuck' inside my head? Bear with me...my points in here somewhere... :)
Maybe it's the introvert part of me, or maybe it's the intuitive part of me, OR, maybe its just part of being human!... But, whatever it is, I sometimes have thoughts that spin and spin and dig and swirl and at times, almost paralyze me. Stressful thoughts can be either strong motivators, OR, they can feel like 1000 times the force of gravity, making it nearly impossible to even get out of bed in the morning!
So, here's a perfect example of how God's grace has worked its way through my life in the form of child psychiatry... We have this book that we give kids called, "Get Out Of Your Mind and Into Your Life". Wow! What a perfect motto! Well, I know from experience that for many of the teens I've worked with, this book has been a life saver. And for me, it's been no less than that. Have I read it? Well, no, but the title...a motto...a mantra... that phrase has been enough to keep me going on more than a few days. And praise God for it!!
It seems kind of silly, but I have occasionally, literally, spent an entire day feeling like a wind up toy...winding myself up by repeating those words over and over, and doing work, being productive, and, "Getting Into My Live," even when my thoughts try to suck me back down into a stand-still.
And well, I guess, for all of us, some days are like that...
And on those days, I'm just so thankful for God choosing child psychiatry for me...and helping me to stay focused on the beauty that is my life. :)
Dear God, Thank you so much for your Grace. I'm unworthy of it but still, I'm whole heartedly thankful. And Lord, thank you for the gifts you've given me in this life. My friends, my family, my home, my son, and my career. You've granted me the opportunity to be helpful, and even more, to be helped. Everyday I'm touched by the kindness of my fellow nurses, and by the richness of the lives of our patients. Thank you for helping me to grow, appreciate, and strengthen my ability to love others, even when life is hard, and teenage attitudes are even harder! I pray that every day I become a better nurse and in your name I will carry out your plan, to help, to heal, to love, and to be an example of a good and caring woman, mother, and nurse. AMEN!
By God's Grace...we live another beautiful day, and "get into our lives".
Peace friends!
~Erica
Saturday, January 30, 2010
The Beauty of the Blue Period
Hi everyone,
I'll be honest, I've not been feeling all that inspirational lately, or driven to write. Hence the lack of blogs lately. Still, I have this sense that I need to sit and try today. Thank you Kris for the motivation! :)
I can see why writer's block is such a stress... To know I have thoughts inside me swimming around but they're not able to get out. Ugh!
So, I pause as I sit in my chair, lay my head back, close my eyes, and say a silent prayer... "God, help to me understand what I'm feeling, help me to get it out in words, and help me to provide something that the world could benefit from...Amen"
Hmmmm.....
So, I guess I can't always be the optimistic ray of sunshine that I hope I can... but then again, maybe this is a normal part of real life.. Sometimes life just isn't about sunshine. It's about being real. There's a lot of night and darkness in life too... And really, without these dark periods, we can't appreciate the light.
I assume I'm not the only one who goes through these periods. After all, didn't Vincent Van Gogh have a 'Blue Period'? Wow, to be able to artistically and creatively express one's feelings of sadness on canvas with oils, pigments, paints, and brushes. Such beauty!
Well, I wasn't awarded that creative gift of expression...but I certainly admire those who do... You know what else I've always wished to have? A beautiful singing voice. And with all these shows on today like American Idol, I can see I'm not the only one who wishes for this! But on the other hand, really, what does a professional singer bring to the world that I desire? What does a painter bring that I can't?
I think those of us who work in our 'normal' jobs (teachers, nurses, doctors, business owners, pastors, etc.) do such good works. I think the singer or the painter was given their gift partly, as a gift to us. We are the back bone to this world. The artists are those who bring us pleasing things like the songs we sing in the car on the way to the work, or the paintings we have on our living room walls as we sit on the floor and play chess with our kids. (Aaron is becoming quite the player!)
So, I can see how we all have a place or role in this world. And being envious or sad because I can't create these artistic masterpieces is to mistrust that God knows what he's doing. He gave me an 'average' singing voice, (I'm GREAT when I'm alone in the car!) and a hand that is only capable of drawing 'really good stick figures' because he knows that I'm meant to be a nurse, a mom, a friend. :)
I guess I need to remind myself of that. The other lesson I've learned is that being "blue" sometimes is not a bad thing. Certainly in our society, in the fast-paced schedule we are all in, it's a struggle when we don't feel totally 'on top of our game'. We can get pretty hard on ourselves.
So, when this happens, what can we do? Well, I think it's healthy to take time... We need to nurture our souls. We need to pray, and we need to remember our role in this world. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. We need to think about what's weighing us down. Sometimes we struggle because something actually happened... An event that has shaken us or brought us a sense of loss. Sometimes we're down just because of our body chemistry, or from a lack of sunshine, or even from a less-than-ideal diet that could cause us to feel sub-par. Either way, It's never easy, and finding a way to cope with our own personal versions of the "Blue Period" is a part of life, and certainly, a part of growth.
Well, for me, one of my dear friends is leaving his family tomorrow because of his deployment orders. Its been hard for me, on several levels. First is that he is a fellow soldier and I greatly admire is service. But the sense of worry and fear is there. The next is that he's shown all of his friends just what an amazing father he is. The sacrifices he's made to care for his kids while he is gone is truly exceptional. It's touching, overwhelming, and heartwarming to see another parent sacrificing their role as a parent for the sake of our country. I pray for his continued safety and for the well being of his children while he's gone. The weight of knowing about someone's sacrifice and the potential for loss can almost be paralyzing at times.
So, because of this, needless to say, I've been kind of 'bummed out'...
YET, despite this, the world keeps spinning. The sun keeps shining...GLORIOUS! My son keeps telling me he's hungry...which I LOVE to hear :), my dog keeps wanting to play catch, and God keeps showing me that he loves me. I'm blessed! I was vacuuming earlier, and being thankful for it. I'm thankful for my home, for my vacuum, for my clean carpet, for my big pile of laundry waiting to be washed, for my dishes that need to be put away, for the grad school application that's STILL waiting to be sent in, the emails that are awaiting reply, and even the 'blue' I'm feeling. I'm thankful for it all. And I know, if I never felt these times of sadness, I wouldn't come to know the joy of perseverance, the pride of being able to overcome, and the warmth, peace and glory of being full of sunshine and optimism!
I take lessons from it all. And to you, my friends, I thank you. Because its through these writings that I feel a great sense of accomplishment, of self-expression, and of growth. Thanks to you and thanks to God. For He knows. He knows what we need...In every moment...in THIS moment. He knows. And he provides. Praise God!
Now I pray for you all. I pray that your 'Blue Periods' bring you closer to God, and that the growth you experience as you overcome the darkness carries you further along on his journey. And...that those small glimmers of sunshine and joy that return to your heart as the sadness fades away, are the treasures that you keep with you. Because those little glimmers of joy are the Holy Spirit! God is here...in our very lives...even in the darkness! Amen!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
PS, AND GOD BE WITH THE SOLDIERS!! AMEN!!
I'll be honest, I've not been feeling all that inspirational lately, or driven to write. Hence the lack of blogs lately. Still, I have this sense that I need to sit and try today. Thank you Kris for the motivation! :)
I can see why writer's block is such a stress... To know I have thoughts inside me swimming around but they're not able to get out. Ugh!
So, I pause as I sit in my chair, lay my head back, close my eyes, and say a silent prayer... "God, help to me understand what I'm feeling, help me to get it out in words, and help me to provide something that the world could benefit from...Amen"
Hmmmm.....
So, I guess I can't always be the optimistic ray of sunshine that I hope I can... but then again, maybe this is a normal part of real life.. Sometimes life just isn't about sunshine. It's about being real. There's a lot of night and darkness in life too... And really, without these dark periods, we can't appreciate the light.
I assume I'm not the only one who goes through these periods. After all, didn't Vincent Van Gogh have a 'Blue Period'? Wow, to be able to artistically and creatively express one's feelings of sadness on canvas with oils, pigments, paints, and brushes. Such beauty!
Well, I wasn't awarded that creative gift of expression...but I certainly admire those who do... You know what else I've always wished to have? A beautiful singing voice. And with all these shows on today like American Idol, I can see I'm not the only one who wishes for this! But on the other hand, really, what does a professional singer bring to the world that I desire? What does a painter bring that I can't?
I think those of us who work in our 'normal' jobs (teachers, nurses, doctors, business owners, pastors, etc.) do such good works. I think the singer or the painter was given their gift partly, as a gift to us. We are the back bone to this world. The artists are those who bring us pleasing things like the songs we sing in the car on the way to the work, or the paintings we have on our living room walls as we sit on the floor and play chess with our kids. (Aaron is becoming quite the player!)
So, I can see how we all have a place or role in this world. And being envious or sad because I can't create these artistic masterpieces is to mistrust that God knows what he's doing. He gave me an 'average' singing voice, (I'm GREAT when I'm alone in the car!) and a hand that is only capable of drawing 'really good stick figures' because he knows that I'm meant to be a nurse, a mom, a friend. :)
I guess I need to remind myself of that. The other lesson I've learned is that being "blue" sometimes is not a bad thing. Certainly in our society, in the fast-paced schedule we are all in, it's a struggle when we don't feel totally 'on top of our game'. We can get pretty hard on ourselves.
So, when this happens, what can we do? Well, I think it's healthy to take time... We need to nurture our souls. We need to pray, and we need to remember our role in this world. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. We need to think about what's weighing us down. Sometimes we struggle because something actually happened... An event that has shaken us or brought us a sense of loss. Sometimes we're down just because of our body chemistry, or from a lack of sunshine, or even from a less-than-ideal diet that could cause us to feel sub-par. Either way, It's never easy, and finding a way to cope with our own personal versions of the "Blue Period" is a part of life, and certainly, a part of growth.
Well, for me, one of my dear friends is leaving his family tomorrow because of his deployment orders. Its been hard for me, on several levels. First is that he is a fellow soldier and I greatly admire is service. But the sense of worry and fear is there. The next is that he's shown all of his friends just what an amazing father he is. The sacrifices he's made to care for his kids while he is gone is truly exceptional. It's touching, overwhelming, and heartwarming to see another parent sacrificing their role as a parent for the sake of our country. I pray for his continued safety and for the well being of his children while he's gone. The weight of knowing about someone's sacrifice and the potential for loss can almost be paralyzing at times.
So, because of this, needless to say, I've been kind of 'bummed out'...
YET, despite this, the world keeps spinning. The sun keeps shining...GLORIOUS! My son keeps telling me he's hungry...which I LOVE to hear :), my dog keeps wanting to play catch, and God keeps showing me that he loves me. I'm blessed! I was vacuuming earlier, and being thankful for it. I'm thankful for my home, for my vacuum, for my clean carpet, for my big pile of laundry waiting to be washed, for my dishes that need to be put away, for the grad school application that's STILL waiting to be sent in, the emails that are awaiting reply, and even the 'blue' I'm feeling. I'm thankful for it all. And I know, if I never felt these times of sadness, I wouldn't come to know the joy of perseverance, the pride of being able to overcome, and the warmth, peace and glory of being full of sunshine and optimism!
I take lessons from it all. And to you, my friends, I thank you. Because its through these writings that I feel a great sense of accomplishment, of self-expression, and of growth. Thanks to you and thanks to God. For He knows. He knows what we need...In every moment...in THIS moment. He knows. And he provides. Praise God!
Now I pray for you all. I pray that your 'Blue Periods' bring you closer to God, and that the growth you experience as you overcome the darkness carries you further along on his journey. And...that those small glimmers of sunshine and joy that return to your heart as the sadness fades away, are the treasures that you keep with you. Because those little glimmers of joy are the Holy Spirit! God is here...in our very lives...even in the darkness! Amen!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
PS, AND GOD BE WITH THE SOLDIERS!! AMEN!!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Equal Rights and Electric Guitars...
So, I'm sitting here, with my living room being invaded by 11 year old boys, and my counter tops covered in delicious and high calorie goodies fit for any boys' birthday party, and I'm the only adult...trying to find a place to call my own...for the next 24 hours... (What did I get myself into?) :-)
As I hide, I'm thinking a variety of thoughts, as I also try to manage the ensuing madness in the other room, the pizza's cooking in the oven, the dog trying to decide if she's brave enough to encroach into the other room, and the cat...well, the cat is NOWHERE to be seen... Hmmm, to be the size of a breadbox...I can see the advantages!
The main thought I have is this, today at church I was once again given confirmation that this is the church for me... Aaron and I have been attending Peach United Church of Christ for about 2 years now...but always as "visitors"... I haven't yet made the leap to become a full-fledged "member". Why? Well, making commitments are always decisions worth taking one's time. Granted, I've loved this church since the very first service we attended, and this year I've even volunteered to teach Sunday School twice a month. So, yea, maybe it's time I made my commitment 'official'.
So, what was it about the service today that reconfirmed my commitment to Peace? Today, and really, this whole upcoming season of Lent is and will be dedicated to promoting and advocating for social justice. Today, we had a beautiful and very honorably done service dedicated to the Reverend Dr Martin Luther King Jr. It was beautiful. Not only was it a nice remembrance of a powerful leader and activist, but the service called to us...well, at least, it called to me. Thank you God that my heart is open to hearing your messages!!
During a beautiful song, up on the screen were black and white photos of activists, some marching, some singing, some listening, some praying. Some being attacked, some being sprayed with water hoses... Every one of these activists fighting for justice. Fighting for equality. Did they know that today, in 2010, we'd still be struggling? Did they know that today, there would still be people who believe in a hierarchy of race and 'God-given' privilege? It's sad that all humanity can't feel in their heart the same epiphany I felt many years ago...
As a white American, I've grown up in white privilege. I knew nothing different. And I didn't understand the big deal... Why can't we all just get along?? I'd say... If only it were that easy or simple.
Then, as I grew older, not only was race a 'hot topic' social battle, but homosexuality joined in the controversy... To be a white Christian American girl, who just wanted peace, harmony, and couldn't understand why people would choose to judge and fight others, I just didn't get it. On one hand I was being told that to judge another race was wrong...but hey, according to the Bible, it's ok to judge people if they love someone of the same gender... Huh?
Of course, by this time, I was already questioning my own faith, beliefs, and relevance of Christianity in MY life... I remember sitting in a Sunday school lesson one time. We were looking in our little books at a particular lesson. There were a variety of pictures of different instruments on the page and the assignment was this, "Which of these would be found in church?" Of course there were things like an acoustic guitar, a piano, a flute, someone signing, drums, and an electric guitar. I said to my teacher, well, all of these could be found in church. She looked at me as if I had committed a mortal sin! "I don't hardly think an electric guitar belongs in church! Do you?!" Well, needless to say, the shame and confusion I carried with me from that simple little interaction was enough to make me seriously question the relevance of Christianity in my life. Why not an electric guitar? I listened to rock. Wasn't I welcome? Of course, justice prevailed, and about 1 year later, Pop-Christian music became more mainstream, and yep, you guessed it, electric guitars came right along with it! Phew! I felt vindicated!
So, as the battle of homosexuality began its rage, I again asked, "Why not homosexuality??" Ok, so the Bible states all that about "a man shalt not lay with another man..." But lets face it, the Bible WAS written by men. Men aren't perfect. Societies AREN'T perfect. How can I judge someone with disdain for simply loving someone of the same gender? How can society judge a man with disdain simply because of the color of his skin? To me, it seems so simple. It's like the electric guitar...we're just struggling with antiquated thinking... (Ok, so my analogy is weak and VERY simplified) but still, huh??
I had an "Ah-ha" moment a couple of years ago. I realized that we are all connected. Call it Karma, reincarnation, Buddhist enlightenment, or the spirit of connectedness with nature, like in the hit movie Avatar, but I feel like there is no such thing as individual rights. If I dare to limit the rights of any single person or group of people, I am limiting my own. God chose me to be me. He chose you to be you. He chose my grumpy neighbor to be my grumpy neighbor, and the sweet lady at the check out to be that sweet lady. But very easily I could be you, you could be me, he could be her, she could be him... No one is more important than another. No one is better, worse, less or more valued, OR less or more loved by God. We just are. And we are good.
Granted, some of my friends criticize me by saying that I either am really truly judgmental and not just admitting it, or I'm not judgmental enough. "What about rapists, murderers, those who abuse children?" They'd say... "Don' t you judge them? Or are they ok too?" ...Uh, WHAT??! What kind of comparison is THAT?
...Sigh...There is still a long way to go to get people to understand that first of all, homosexuality isn't a crime against humanity, any more than being heterosexual is, or being black or Hispanic, or a man or a woman... And second...judging someone for their behaviors that hurt others is DIFFERENT, and necessary. Judging someone for being human is not.
Now, I've never really considered myself to be either Democrat or Republican. I'm not politically minded, nor do I care to get into the 'boys club' of politics... But I heard someone say once, whats so bad about being liberal?? After all, liberals were the ones who fought for women's liberation, racially equality, and today, equal rights for GLT. Yea, I don't know whats so bad about being liberal. But then again, hard core Christians claim to be Republican. Does that mean that if I choose to ally with the Democratic party, I'm not Christian?? Phew, no wonder non Christians look at us with looks of disgust... What a mess...
So, I have no easy answers to this ongoing dilemma of People of color versus white people, heterosexuals versus homosexuals, Democrats versus Republicans, acoustic versus electric... But I do know that I'm going to follow Jesus. Jesus broke down the barriers. He taught me to love my neighbor, the Samaritan, the beggar, the tax collector, the woman who looks different than me,the man who thinks differently than me, the teenager who dresses differently than me, the couple who live differently than me. Jesus makes it easy. Just know, accept, love. A great quote from "The Shack" is this, "Knowing is the skin of love..." Wow! Just take a step, get to know. Ignorance is not knowing... Ignorance keeps us from love. Ignorance keeps us from following Jesus. Come on friends, KNOW!!!!
Dear God,
This prayer is for those who have given their heart, soul, love, sweat, tears, and lives for equality. You created us equal. But we as sinful humans have divided ourselves due to power, greed, and fear. I pray that you continue to give strength to those who work for the liberation of your people. And also, I pray for those who have the desire for power, greed, and who live with fear in their hearts. May they be healed by your Holy Spirit. May we all be healed, and love each other as Jesus taught us. AMEN!
Peace Friends,
~Erica
As I hide, I'm thinking a variety of thoughts, as I also try to manage the ensuing madness in the other room, the pizza's cooking in the oven, the dog trying to decide if she's brave enough to encroach into the other room, and the cat...well, the cat is NOWHERE to be seen... Hmmm, to be the size of a breadbox...I can see the advantages!
The main thought I have is this, today at church I was once again given confirmation that this is the church for me... Aaron and I have been attending Peach United Church of Christ for about 2 years now...but always as "visitors"... I haven't yet made the leap to become a full-fledged "member". Why? Well, making commitments are always decisions worth taking one's time. Granted, I've loved this church since the very first service we attended, and this year I've even volunteered to teach Sunday School twice a month. So, yea, maybe it's time I made my commitment 'official'.
So, what was it about the service today that reconfirmed my commitment to Peace? Today, and really, this whole upcoming season of Lent is and will be dedicated to promoting and advocating for social justice. Today, we had a beautiful and very honorably done service dedicated to the Reverend Dr Martin Luther King Jr. It was beautiful. Not only was it a nice remembrance of a powerful leader and activist, but the service called to us...well, at least, it called to me. Thank you God that my heart is open to hearing your messages!!
During a beautiful song, up on the screen were black and white photos of activists, some marching, some singing, some listening, some praying. Some being attacked, some being sprayed with water hoses... Every one of these activists fighting for justice. Fighting for equality. Did they know that today, in 2010, we'd still be struggling? Did they know that today, there would still be people who believe in a hierarchy of race and 'God-given' privilege? It's sad that all humanity can't feel in their heart the same epiphany I felt many years ago...
As a white American, I've grown up in white privilege. I knew nothing different. And I didn't understand the big deal... Why can't we all just get along?? I'd say... If only it were that easy or simple.
Then, as I grew older, not only was race a 'hot topic' social battle, but homosexuality joined in the controversy... To be a white Christian American girl, who just wanted peace, harmony, and couldn't understand why people would choose to judge and fight others, I just didn't get it. On one hand I was being told that to judge another race was wrong...but hey, according to the Bible, it's ok to judge people if they love someone of the same gender... Huh?
Of course, by this time, I was already questioning my own faith, beliefs, and relevance of Christianity in MY life... I remember sitting in a Sunday school lesson one time. We were looking in our little books at a particular lesson. There were a variety of pictures of different instruments on the page and the assignment was this, "Which of these would be found in church?" Of course there were things like an acoustic guitar, a piano, a flute, someone signing, drums, and an electric guitar. I said to my teacher, well, all of these could be found in church. She looked at me as if I had committed a mortal sin! "I don't hardly think an electric guitar belongs in church! Do you?!" Well, needless to say, the shame and confusion I carried with me from that simple little interaction was enough to make me seriously question the relevance of Christianity in my life. Why not an electric guitar? I listened to rock. Wasn't I welcome? Of course, justice prevailed, and about 1 year later, Pop-Christian music became more mainstream, and yep, you guessed it, electric guitars came right along with it! Phew! I felt vindicated!
So, as the battle of homosexuality began its rage, I again asked, "Why not homosexuality??" Ok, so the Bible states all that about "a man shalt not lay with another man..." But lets face it, the Bible WAS written by men. Men aren't perfect. Societies AREN'T perfect. How can I judge someone with disdain for simply loving someone of the same gender? How can society judge a man with disdain simply because of the color of his skin? To me, it seems so simple. It's like the electric guitar...we're just struggling with antiquated thinking... (Ok, so my analogy is weak and VERY simplified) but still, huh??
I had an "Ah-ha" moment a couple of years ago. I realized that we are all connected. Call it Karma, reincarnation, Buddhist enlightenment, or the spirit of connectedness with nature, like in the hit movie Avatar, but I feel like there is no such thing as individual rights. If I dare to limit the rights of any single person or group of people, I am limiting my own. God chose me to be me. He chose you to be you. He chose my grumpy neighbor to be my grumpy neighbor, and the sweet lady at the check out to be that sweet lady. But very easily I could be you, you could be me, he could be her, she could be him... No one is more important than another. No one is better, worse, less or more valued, OR less or more loved by God. We just are. And we are good.
Granted, some of my friends criticize me by saying that I either am really truly judgmental and not just admitting it, or I'm not judgmental enough. "What about rapists, murderers, those who abuse children?" They'd say... "Don' t you judge them? Or are they ok too?" ...Uh, WHAT??! What kind of comparison is THAT?
...Sigh...There is still a long way to go to get people to understand that first of all, homosexuality isn't a crime against humanity, any more than being heterosexual is, or being black or Hispanic, or a man or a woman... And second...judging someone for their behaviors that hurt others is DIFFERENT, and necessary. Judging someone for being human is not.
Now, I've never really considered myself to be either Democrat or Republican. I'm not politically minded, nor do I care to get into the 'boys club' of politics... But I heard someone say once, whats so bad about being liberal?? After all, liberals were the ones who fought for women's liberation, racially equality, and today, equal rights for GLT. Yea, I don't know whats so bad about being liberal. But then again, hard core Christians claim to be Republican. Does that mean that if I choose to ally with the Democratic party, I'm not Christian?? Phew, no wonder non Christians look at us with looks of disgust... What a mess...
So, I have no easy answers to this ongoing dilemma of People of color versus white people, heterosexuals versus homosexuals, Democrats versus Republicans, acoustic versus electric... But I do know that I'm going to follow Jesus. Jesus broke down the barriers. He taught me to love my neighbor, the Samaritan, the beggar, the tax collector, the woman who looks different than me,the man who thinks differently than me, the teenager who dresses differently than me, the couple who live differently than me. Jesus makes it easy. Just know, accept, love. A great quote from "The Shack" is this, "Knowing is the skin of love..." Wow! Just take a step, get to know. Ignorance is not knowing... Ignorance keeps us from love. Ignorance keeps us from following Jesus. Come on friends, KNOW!!!!
Dear God,
This prayer is for those who have given their heart, soul, love, sweat, tears, and lives for equality. You created us equal. But we as sinful humans have divided ourselves due to power, greed, and fear. I pray that you continue to give strength to those who work for the liberation of your people. And also, I pray for those who have the desire for power, greed, and who live with fear in their hearts. May they be healed by your Holy Spirit. May we all be healed, and love each other as Jesus taught us. AMEN!
Peace Friends,
~Erica
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
