I am just getting home from work, and felt the urge to get these thoughts out on paper...well, electronic media anyway...but who cares about technicalities...especially at 12:20 AM, right? :)
Anywhooo,
What I wanted to share was that today I had another realization. Now please bear with me, and realize that I humbly say realization in the perspective that I'VE realized something new, and that I'm sure there are many (if not most or all) of you that have already figured out this quite common sense realization all on your own.
Anyway, what is this 'realization' you ask? Well, it's really quite simple. And to illustrate, let me take you back to the time I learned to ride bike, or drive my first car...
For me, I remember in both cases, first starting out, making my way slowly, then steadily faster, then increasing my pedaling, or, on the gas pedal, until I could actually say, "I'm riding!" or "I'm driving!" Also, in both instances, I recall there being roadblocks or barriers, literally objects in my way! Now rather than stop. slow down, or swerve like a more experienced rider or driver would have done, I found myself looking, staring straight at that object...not changing direction nor slowing down... it was like my eyes were glued and I was being pulled or drawn directly into it!
Thank God my parents were there (frantically YELLING) telling me to "STOP!" And thankfully they snapped me into my higher level of thinking and STOP I did!
What happened? Why didn't I swerve?? Why couldn't I avoid something that was so obviously bad for me?
Well, I asked my dad that very question, and his answer so succinctly and so perfectly made sense, in his very common sensical way that his bits of advice often did...and still do.
He said, "You go where you look"
Wow.
So simple, yet so powerful. You go where you look.
Doesn't that just explain so much about our world, our lives, our choices, our identities?
You go where you look! So, what does this have to do with me, and this blog?
Well, I had a conversation earlier today with a friend about how we as parents and adults need to provide our children with healthy role models. After all, if we go where we look, so will they, right?
Well, what are we giving them to look at, and where will they go?
Overall, I think we do a very good job of instinctively knowing what we DON'T want to become. I DON'T want to be a liar or a cheater or a thief. I DON'T want to be poor. I DON'T want to be a lazy parent.
But is that the right way to become who we WANT to become? How do you know if you've achieved it? How can you measure whether or not you're successful in NOT becoming something?
I don't think we can. I think we instead need to set goals of who we WANT to be. What we WANT to do. That way we can measure it and decisively know "yes or no" did we achieve what we set out to do.
Well, same goes for kids and teens. As adults we have the luxury of fine-tuning who we already are and who we want to ultimately become. Our youth, on the other hand, are just starting out...and boy, do they need a LOT of help!
The conversation I had helped me to really understand that if we don't give our kids healthy relationships and healthy positive examples to look at, watch, study, and absorb, then how will they know what TO become versus what NOT TO become?
Well, I wrote this today on my facebook status, and I think it sums up my thoughts pretty well.
"A child can't base his future self on who he DOESN'T want to become, but rather, on who he DOES. So our job as adults is to give them many excellent examples of who and what they SHOULD become. Not what or who they SHOULDN'T."
My post received a "Like", so in the world of social networking, I guess that's a good sign. :)
So, as these thoughts are rolling around in my head, I think about myself and my son. Have I provided him with MORE examples of who he may WANT to become versus who he may NOT? I desperately hope so! And more importantly, have I provided him with enough?
And then, as I drove into work, my thoughts shifted from my son, to the children and teenagers I work with. What about them? Do they have enough? Certainly my coworkers and I provide them with many wonderfully loving and healthy examples and positive role modeling... but is it enough?
Why do so many of them struggle with figuring out who they are and who they want to become? And then thoughts streamed back to my own past and youth. It wasn't perfect either, and I often struggled with knowing what kind of person I should become, and then later on as a teen and young adult, what type of mate I should want for myself? I see these kids going through that as well.
My youth...my son...his future...teenagers...children...lack of role models...broken homes...tired parents... I had a stirring in my head of words, thoughts, and feelings...
And out poured this poem... I hope you don't mind, and I hope you don't judge, as it really just came out right as I got to work and found the first computer I could to write it down.
My parents and Me
Why don't they understand, I don't know who to be?
Why do they get so mad when I copy what I see?
They say I need to be this great person but deep inside I don't know who that is…
because they've never been this great person, for me.
I only know who to become when I see it. Don't they know?!
When I learn to ride my bike, what I see is where I go.
When I learn to drive a car, what I see is where I go.
When I learn to be an adult, what I see is where I go!
I can't go where I haven't seen.
I can't become who I haven't seen.
If I see what I shouldn't, that's exactly what I'll be. Don't they see?
Don't they see?!
Why can't THEY be what I want to become…for me?
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This ends my blog tonight. I'm not sure what message I'm trying to get across. I guess I'll leave it to you to decide. Common sense or not, you be the judge, as I'm off to bed, mentally drained, yet in a way, quite fulfilled that I've added yet one more chapter to my list of realizations...
Good Night Friends, God Bless, and sleep well.
PS, and thank you to everyone who's given me opportunities to see who I wanted to be.
~Erica
