Hi friends,
It was interesting to me how therapeutic blogging was, especially during those first few days... Now I'm at a point where I feel like the pressure has been released, and I'm more balanced in my inner thoughts and inner peace. Thank you everyone who has given me such wonderful and appreciated feedback. Its powerful to me to see and hear about how my words provoked such thought and even change for so many of you! It's true what 'they' say. When you help others, you are really the one to receive the benefit. Thank you all again!!
So, today's blog isn't so much as a need to get my thoughts out on the screen as it is a chance to talk about some of the things I've been thinking for quite some time. Yesterday, at a friend's baby shower, I overhead a coworker talk about adopting... It was a simple comment that many people say every day, but for me it triggered a recall of thoughts I've had over the years about adopting, or at least, fostering children.
During my second marriage, and after it ended, I felt a very strong pull to find out about becoming a foster parent. I actually attended classes and learned about the process and requirements... Ultimately, the two main roadblocks at the time were, I would have to make some expensive modifications to my home to make it 'up to code', and, someone told me, "Once you let in a foster child, you are opening up the streets to your family..." As harsh as this may be, in many ways it's true. Its one of the reasons we protect our personal identity and information working as psych nurses. We have to have boundaries that protect us and our families from the dangerous forces in this world...
but....still.... it still tugs at me... My main argument to this statement is this, My son is 10 (11 tomorrow!!). He is going to grow up in to a young man, and a wonderful adult... He will grow up alongside many children who didn't have the same nurturing and love that he received. Anyone who works with children or in psychology knows about the sometimes, devastating effects that occur in a child's development when they aren't cared for in God's intended manner. A mother responding to a crying baby, a toddler trusting his father as he takes his first step, a child learning that asking "Why?" 50 times is not going to be answered with a slap, but rather, endless (though exhausted) patience... When these milestones AREN'T met in the way God created our little brains to take in these lessons, our brain development goes awry...
Anyway, my point is that, my son is going to grow up next to children who didn't receive God's ideal upbringing... And many children are in a position to be taken in by families who could step in and provide this...or at least, some of this... Don't we owe it to our own children to step in and make a difference for them, and for their peers?
I recall watching a news story on 20/20 or something like that. It was about a small, economically challenged town in the South. The people in the story were primarily African Americans, and the preacher at the local church STRONGLY promoted taking in foster kids and orphans as a way of living out God's will. Well, guess what? Nearly EVERY family in that small town took in at least one child! It was such a beautiful story. These were families who had their own challenges. Some were trying to retire, some were trying their hardest just to make ends meet. Some had children of their own. They ALL joined together and became a community in a more beautiful way than I've ever heard... Imagine if just a fourth of the families in Rochester decided to take in at least 1 child...!! Wow! Imagine the impact we'd have on the future for these children, AND for our own!! What a beautiful example of living out true LOVE, and to pass that on to children and future generations!
It's this belief and hope in my heart that holds adoption and foster care in such deep respect in my heart. Well, the roadblocks won at the time, and as a result, I chose to work in child psych. I feel that God wants me there...at least, at this time in my life, where I can work with children who struggle, many of them in and out of foster care themselves... but someday, I WILL reach out and extend my home, my love, and my arms to the children of this world who are lacking in a warm hug, an encouraging word, or a loving smile...
Jessica M, you inspired this blog... And, the work you do as a mentor for young women in this community fills me with hope that goodness will continue to happen... Thank you!!
Dear God, thank you for inspiration... You have given us an overabundance of ways to become inspired in this world... We only have to open our eyes to see the many ways you have blessed us, and to see the many ways in which we ourselves can make a difference. Give me the strength and courage to keep making changes. And God, bless the hearts of every child out there in this great big world, who doubts, fears, struggles, cries, hurts, and has fallen. We are your servants and I trust that you have given us what we need to go out there and save these children... We only need to do it. AMEN!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Thanks for the crossed paths...
I feel this overwhelming urge to make sure that certain people know how much they mean to me... for it is the crossing of our paths in small ways, big ways, life long journeys, or brief little overlaps that make the differences, and make me the woman I am today...
First of all, my parents: Where do I begin? Mom and Dad, you have each in your own special way sculpted me to be who I am. Those little things each day, Mom reading your devotions, getting up early every morning to start your productive day, and you telling me "If you care about something, you do something about it..." are just 3 of the millions of examples I carry with me every minute of every day. Dad, being human, fragile, yet always loving and accepting, on good days and bad. I learned about overcoming struggles and the beauty of humility from you....among so many other lessons. Thank you and I love you both dearly!
From my sister Lisa, I learned that we each are so different, yet so gifted and blessed. And that God intentionally gives us our personalities and skills to carry out specific purposes. Thank you for reassuring me that I'm not crazy! I'm just different than you! :) I love you very much little sister!
From my best friend Jessica, you have accepted me since day one. We've been friends since elementary school.... Wow! What a ride we've had together! You pushed me to do better and no matter if I succeeded or failed, you never treated me differently. Thank you for the countless laughing spells we've shared, the shared secrets, and knowing that if there was no one else we could feel who loved us, we loved and respected each other... You mean the world to me Jessica!!!
For Sara, yes Sara, you're in here too. I don't think you realize how much you've impacted my life. And, based on conversations I've had with other members at church, I'm certainly not the only one who thinks this. For some reason, unknown to me at the time, I had this overwhelming urge to talk to you as our boys were playing at Jefferson after kindergarten one afternoon. Remember that?? :) Looking back now, I can see how the Holy Spirit was crossing our paths... Remember how I invited you over for supper and you admitted you had no idea what a Hotdish was?? :) Good times! Haha... One of my favorite lessons I learned from you was to adopt your "It's Ok..." attitude. Your confidence and unconditional love and acceptance of others was brilliant and I couldn't help but adapt it to my own may of viewing the world. I see how this attitude helps my patients every day at work, and continues to ripple out to new people I meet. Thank you for being a beautiful example of God's love. Oh, and the "World's Worst Mom Award" was another of my favorite lessons. I still use that with Aaron and kids at work! It's the little things that we share that make the biggest differences in the lives of others! Keep up your down-to-earth attitude and showing us how to laugh at ourselves. :)
T,
You were the first 'Good Man' I met during my dating experiences. What a gift and a blessing from God that was! Our relationship/friendship helped me to heal from my divorce and find that courage and strength that was buried so deep inside me that it was hidden, even to me...but not to you. You saw it, nurtured it, and loved it. Thank you for helping me start my journey of self discovery and health. What an interesting path we shared for a while!! Though at times I still miss our friendship, I am happy knowing that God is watching you and you're living out his purpose for you.
Mr Iowa...hehehe....
I've already told you and thanked you for what you've brought to mine and Aaron's lives. And the reason for writing about it today isn't to make you uncomfortable, but to show others that there are men like you out there... First of all, thank you for being one of the strongest examples of a Christian man I've ever met. Your path crossed mine at a time in my life when I doubted the value of Christianity and my bond with God. I didn't believe that real day to day people could live out their lives with the high morals that we've been taught in Sunday School. But you showed me on so many occasions, that even though we aren't perfect, using God as our measuring stick is actually possible in today's world. Not only did you show me what a Christian man was like,(caring, funny, patient, loving, strong, responsible, and honorable) but you also showed me that I deserve to be treated with respect and honor by men. Thank you for making me feel beautiful and precious. You've set the standard very high which is what God intended for you to do in my life. And because of that, I know who I'm looking for now in a relationship. I deserve someone who is thankful, strong, honorable, responsible, and puts his love of God above all, and his family above himself. Over a year and a half, what a wonderful path we've shared. I'm comfortable knowing that as we part ways, I know God has you and your family in his loving embrace, and my life has been enriched because of you.
My Austin soldier...
To you I'm very thankful for the way you openly embraced my son and me into your family. Though our path together had it's ups and downs, I know that it continues to wind together for the purpose of friendship and support. You taught me patience. When things didn't go the way I wanted, it forced me to step back and appreciate us for what we had, time with family and appreciating the simple things in life like a meal together, children playing, laughter, and tenderness. You've been my friend and so patient with me and my ramblings. When life was hard for you, I was a witness to the inner strength of a man who puts his kids needs ahead of his own. Wow, talk about a role model for good fathers!! And now, with the Army calling you away from your children, you give me and everyone in your life a wonderful example of honor and duty. Never once did you say you wouldn't go, despite the chaos it created in your world. You make me want to take all my responsibilities as seriously as you've taken yours. Take care of yourself, and as I told you, I will be praying for your safety. Like I said, the world has too few good men. It certainly can't afford to lose one more. Please be safe, and know that God is watching over you.
Becky,
You were first my neighbor. Then you were the mother of my son's friends. Then you were MY friend. :) You have so many gifts that pour out of you into this world. Being fortunate enough to be your neighbor has allowed some of that 'pouring out' land on me and my family. Thank you Becky for being a supportive and nonjudgmental friend. You listened and supported me over the last few years and no matter what I needed, you were always there, willing and able to help. I only wish I could have been so supportive to you. Your easy going attitude about life and golden heart makes it easy to like you and it's a trait I've tried my best to model. Your playfulness and amazing ability to share joy with kids is a blessing. When I come home from work, tired, crabby, and hungry, I see you, tirelessly mothering your three beautiful kids. You teach me to not be selfish and that having a home is so much more important than having a house. And, with the volunteering you do, you show us that giving back to the world really is easy. We just have to do it. :) Thanks for being a second mom to my son, for being a loving mother to your kids, and for giving us all a beautiful example of a Christian marriage. I admire you both. :)
I could make this list go on forever, talking about, and thanking people for what they've meant to me and how God has worked wonders through the crossing of our paths. But balance is important. Just know that everyone I've met in this life has been a blessing to me. The coworkers who I laugh with, and even those with whom I rarely see. The people at church who greet me with smiles, hugs, and glorious music, and the person I sat next to in the pew who I never even talked to. The patients, the parents, the doctors, and social workers. Everyone has impacted me, and for that I'm grateful.
I pray that your paths take you to a closer relationship with God, and that you find adventure, love, and growth as you go. AMEN!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
First of all, my parents: Where do I begin? Mom and Dad, you have each in your own special way sculpted me to be who I am. Those little things each day, Mom reading your devotions, getting up early every morning to start your productive day, and you telling me "If you care about something, you do something about it..." are just 3 of the millions of examples I carry with me every minute of every day. Dad, being human, fragile, yet always loving and accepting, on good days and bad. I learned about overcoming struggles and the beauty of humility from you....among so many other lessons. Thank you and I love you both dearly!
From my sister Lisa, I learned that we each are so different, yet so gifted and blessed. And that God intentionally gives us our personalities and skills to carry out specific purposes. Thank you for reassuring me that I'm not crazy! I'm just different than you! :) I love you very much little sister!
From my best friend Jessica, you have accepted me since day one. We've been friends since elementary school.... Wow! What a ride we've had together! You pushed me to do better and no matter if I succeeded or failed, you never treated me differently. Thank you for the countless laughing spells we've shared, the shared secrets, and knowing that if there was no one else we could feel who loved us, we loved and respected each other... You mean the world to me Jessica!!!
For Sara, yes Sara, you're in here too. I don't think you realize how much you've impacted my life. And, based on conversations I've had with other members at church, I'm certainly not the only one who thinks this. For some reason, unknown to me at the time, I had this overwhelming urge to talk to you as our boys were playing at Jefferson after kindergarten one afternoon. Remember that?? :) Looking back now, I can see how the Holy Spirit was crossing our paths... Remember how I invited you over for supper and you admitted you had no idea what a Hotdish was?? :) Good times! Haha... One of my favorite lessons I learned from you was to adopt your "It's Ok..." attitude. Your confidence and unconditional love and acceptance of others was brilliant and I couldn't help but adapt it to my own may of viewing the world. I see how this attitude helps my patients every day at work, and continues to ripple out to new people I meet. Thank you for being a beautiful example of God's love. Oh, and the "World's Worst Mom Award" was another of my favorite lessons. I still use that with Aaron and kids at work! It's the little things that we share that make the biggest differences in the lives of others! Keep up your down-to-earth attitude and showing us how to laugh at ourselves. :)
T,
You were the first 'Good Man' I met during my dating experiences. What a gift and a blessing from God that was! Our relationship/friendship helped me to heal from my divorce and find that courage and strength that was buried so deep inside me that it was hidden, even to me...but not to you. You saw it, nurtured it, and loved it. Thank you for helping me start my journey of self discovery and health. What an interesting path we shared for a while!! Though at times I still miss our friendship, I am happy knowing that God is watching you and you're living out his purpose for you.
Mr Iowa...hehehe....
I've already told you and thanked you for what you've brought to mine and Aaron's lives. And the reason for writing about it today isn't to make you uncomfortable, but to show others that there are men like you out there... First of all, thank you for being one of the strongest examples of a Christian man I've ever met. Your path crossed mine at a time in my life when I doubted the value of Christianity and my bond with God. I didn't believe that real day to day people could live out their lives with the high morals that we've been taught in Sunday School. But you showed me on so many occasions, that even though we aren't perfect, using God as our measuring stick is actually possible in today's world. Not only did you show me what a Christian man was like,(caring, funny, patient, loving, strong, responsible, and honorable) but you also showed me that I deserve to be treated with respect and honor by men. Thank you for making me feel beautiful and precious. You've set the standard very high which is what God intended for you to do in my life. And because of that, I know who I'm looking for now in a relationship. I deserve someone who is thankful, strong, honorable, responsible, and puts his love of God above all, and his family above himself. Over a year and a half, what a wonderful path we've shared. I'm comfortable knowing that as we part ways, I know God has you and your family in his loving embrace, and my life has been enriched because of you.
My Austin soldier...
To you I'm very thankful for the way you openly embraced my son and me into your family. Though our path together had it's ups and downs, I know that it continues to wind together for the purpose of friendship and support. You taught me patience. When things didn't go the way I wanted, it forced me to step back and appreciate us for what we had, time with family and appreciating the simple things in life like a meal together, children playing, laughter, and tenderness. You've been my friend and so patient with me and my ramblings. When life was hard for you, I was a witness to the inner strength of a man who puts his kids needs ahead of his own. Wow, talk about a role model for good fathers!! And now, with the Army calling you away from your children, you give me and everyone in your life a wonderful example of honor and duty. Never once did you say you wouldn't go, despite the chaos it created in your world. You make me want to take all my responsibilities as seriously as you've taken yours. Take care of yourself, and as I told you, I will be praying for your safety. Like I said, the world has too few good men. It certainly can't afford to lose one more. Please be safe, and know that God is watching over you.
Becky,
You were first my neighbor. Then you were the mother of my son's friends. Then you were MY friend. :) You have so many gifts that pour out of you into this world. Being fortunate enough to be your neighbor has allowed some of that 'pouring out' land on me and my family. Thank you Becky for being a supportive and nonjudgmental friend. You listened and supported me over the last few years and no matter what I needed, you were always there, willing and able to help. I only wish I could have been so supportive to you. Your easy going attitude about life and golden heart makes it easy to like you and it's a trait I've tried my best to model. Your playfulness and amazing ability to share joy with kids is a blessing. When I come home from work, tired, crabby, and hungry, I see you, tirelessly mothering your three beautiful kids. You teach me to not be selfish and that having a home is so much more important than having a house. And, with the volunteering you do, you show us that giving back to the world really is easy. We just have to do it. :) Thanks for being a second mom to my son, for being a loving mother to your kids, and for giving us all a beautiful example of a Christian marriage. I admire you both. :)
I could make this list go on forever, talking about, and thanking people for what they've meant to me and how God has worked wonders through the crossing of our paths. But balance is important. Just know that everyone I've met in this life has been a blessing to me. The coworkers who I laugh with, and even those with whom I rarely see. The people at church who greet me with smiles, hugs, and glorious music, and the person I sat next to in the pew who I never even talked to. The patients, the parents, the doctors, and social workers. Everyone has impacted me, and for that I'm grateful.
I pray that your paths take you to a closer relationship with God, and that you find adventure, love, and growth as you go. AMEN!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
Saturday, January 9, 2010
My Personal Journey of Health
First of all, I need to thank everyone who's been so supportive of my blogging! I was EXTREMELY nervous about putting my thoughts out there so openly, but deep down I figured, if I'm having these thoughts, chances are someone else is too and maybe in some weird way, I could help someone...
And I've been pleasantly surprised that some people actually appreciated my writing! Wow!!! That's pretty much the BIGGEST honor I can receive!!! Thank you God for helping me to help others! You are SO GREAT!!!
So, with the encouragement of one of my dear friends, today, I'm going to write just a little bit about how I got to be where I am today...in terms of my physical health, in hopes that I can share my story and maybe, help someone....
First of all, some people have commented about my exercise and health routine. I haven't always been a die-hard exercise and eat-right person. Yes, I do make it a goal to get outta bed around 4 am everyday to do a round of P90x or an early morning jog around the neighborhood before work starts at 7... But getting to where I am today was NOT easy! ...sigh...I'm tired just thinking about it!!....
Going back in time about 2 years, I was a recently divorced single mom...(Now, here's the kicker that not too many people know about me, this was divorce # 2!! Thus, needless to say, it did a HUGE number on my self-worth! My first marriage was to Aaron's father. We divorced about a year after he was born...These aren't facts I'm particularly proud of, but hey, it's life, it's me, and without these 'adventures', I wouldn't be the woman I am today... And also, just know, I will be the LAST person to JUDGE anyone for their marital struggles...) :-)
So, back to 2 years ago....I didn't like how I looked...which was a struggle I've dealt with since I was a little (pudgy) girl. I grew up always feeling like the odd girl out. As a kid, I wasn't cute or slim enough to be the class "princess", I wasn't smart enough to be in the "elite" brainiac crowd (though I DESPERATELY wanted to be! I'm such a nerd at heart! :)), but then again, I was TOO smart to be with the "cool kids", and, of course, I was to pudgy to be with the jocks.... sigh.... school can be SO CRUEL!!
So, being divorced...again, AND being 30, I realized this was NOT how my 30th was supposed to go! I mean, on tv and movies, your 30th is supposed to be the start of a glamorous new life of freedom and wisdom...right?? Well, my 30th went by pretty much in a blurry gray funk...
Then, a great thing happened... I turned 31!!! And with that birthday, I realized, I have completely wasted a year!!! I didn't get ONE INCH closer to becoming the woman I imagined myself to be. Well, call it anger, or frustration, or complete and total surrender...but I'd had enough!
I didn't care anymore about the excuses, the reasons, the doubts, the fears, or anything else that had been holding me back from becoming the woman I wanted to be. I told myself, I love my heart, I am a smart woman, I have a great job, and an AWESOME son and family.
The ONLY thing I didn't like was my physical state of being. (I was about 40 pounds overweight, and tired of hiding it in frumpy clothes.) So, ONE thing was keeping me from being who I wanted to be. JUST ONE THING!! ....ARGH!!!
Wel..nothing was going to get in my way ANYMORE! 31 was going to be the year I changed my life and took control!! So,.....
#1 I joined the YMCA for me and my son so we could use the pool and jogging track. (And I bought us each a fancy new gym bag, invested in workout clothes, and a swimsuit....(yikes!)) I swam laps for 30 minutes a couple times a week, alternating each lap with a different stroke... Wow!! THAT'S a total body workout!!!!
#2 I stopped drinking pop...(I have actual studies that will show you how horrible pop is for our bodies!) At first it was TORTURE! But, I'm happy to say I'm STILL pop-free!!! (I swear one day it'll be classified as an addictive substance!)
#3 I pulled out our Dance Dance Revolution game and played it every moment I could... (Alone at first...until I got REALLY good!! Then I challenged Aaron every chance I could! Hehehe...) It burns SO MANY CALORIES and it's so FUN!!! Try it if you haven't!!
#4 I started jogging...first slowly, and just around the block, but gradually longer and longer...with my dog. (Poor sweet willing companion!)
#5 I bought a food scale and shiny new measuring cups, and went on calorie counting websites to figure out how many calories I should be consuming...and then, followed my own plan. (Man! I washed so many dishes, did so much calculating, and wrote down so many meal plans back then! But hey, it was SO worth it!!!)
#6 I added fiber to EVERYTHING because it helped me feel full. (I bought the HIGH FIBER version of everything I could!)
#7 I stopped drinking ANYTHING but water, milk, or tea. (Fluid calories were a no-no! Except for milk)
#8 I realized that it was all about math. In versus out. I had it down to a science and I knew no matter what I did, as long as I followed the plan, I was going to lose weight! AND, I was eating AS MUCH AS I WANTED! It was GREAT!!!
# 8 THEN..... I would take monthly trips to the mall to downsize my wardrobe!!! (One of my favorite parts!!) It was so nice realizing that I could actually start to wear the clothes that were on the mannequins!!
AND...#9 I started dating...but that's a whole other story... Hahaha.....
So, by 6 months I had dropped almost 30 pounds! I was trimming inches and toning muscle. And today, 2 years later, I've kept it off. Not to say I haven't had ups and downs, but I keep trying new things. I don't swim as much anymore, as Aaron is so busy with sports...and I hate having wet hair in the winter...haha. And I reduced my jogging and calorie counting, now that I've got a better handle of moderation...and portion sizes
But now, to keep things fun and new, I'm doing the workout called P90x (you've probably seen it on those annoying late night infomercials. Haha...) It's a butt-kicker, but I tell you what, it works! I started slow...I mean S L O W, and... I'm kind of stubborn, meaning, I hate other people telling me what to do...even if they're on a DVD! So, I've tailored it to fit me...and my stubbornness. :)
Some people love classes and group athletics. Not me! I hate them! I am very much a solitary exerciser. But, that's just me. (Stubborn!!) Haha.
So, I guess that pretty much sums up how I got to this point. I think back to that statement I made when I turned 31, how there was only 1 thing keeping me from being that woman I longed to be. WOW!! Knowing what I know now, there was SO MUCH more that changed about me. I've become more confident, more patient, I finished my bachelor's degree, I took on more responsibility at work and church, and my relationship with God has vastly improved....but THAT'S ALSO another story!
31 was my best year...at that time. But honestly, 33 is even better! I can't wait to see what this next year will bring me!! I love getting older!!! :)
Dear God, I thank you for the gifts of life, love, and health. My body is a precious tool to live out the purpose you have for me. I'm sorry I spent so many years ignoring your purpose because I neglected my body and soul. I pray every day I become physically and mentally stronger so I can carry out your will. I need to help others, care for others, and if needed, carry others. And I'll need your strength. Thank you for the strength I've found within myself and within my growing relationship with you. AMEN!
To all my friends, I love you all, and I wish this year to be your best year ever...and the start of something new! God Bless!!!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
PS, I'm always excited to talk about new ways to promote physical health. I try not to be preachy or a know-it-all...I hate it when people are like that with me... So, feel free to talk about your ideas!! I really do want to hear them!!! :) AND, the fact that you all take the time to read my thoughts is quite truly a fantastic honor, and I thank you for that!!!
And I've been pleasantly surprised that some people actually appreciated my writing! Wow!!! That's pretty much the BIGGEST honor I can receive!!! Thank you God for helping me to help others! You are SO GREAT!!!
So, with the encouragement of one of my dear friends, today, I'm going to write just a little bit about how I got to be where I am today...in terms of my physical health, in hopes that I can share my story and maybe, help someone....
First of all, some people have commented about my exercise and health routine. I haven't always been a die-hard exercise and eat-right person. Yes, I do make it a goal to get outta bed around 4 am everyday to do a round of P90x or an early morning jog around the neighborhood before work starts at 7... But getting to where I am today was NOT easy! ...sigh...I'm tired just thinking about it!!....
Going back in time about 2 years, I was a recently divorced single mom...(Now, here's the kicker that not too many people know about me, this was divorce # 2!! Thus, needless to say, it did a HUGE number on my self-worth! My first marriage was to Aaron's father. We divorced about a year after he was born...These aren't facts I'm particularly proud of, but hey, it's life, it's me, and without these 'adventures', I wouldn't be the woman I am today... And also, just know, I will be the LAST person to JUDGE anyone for their marital struggles...) :-)
So, back to 2 years ago....I didn't like how I looked...which was a struggle I've dealt with since I was a little (pudgy) girl. I grew up always feeling like the odd girl out. As a kid, I wasn't cute or slim enough to be the class "princess", I wasn't smart enough to be in the "elite" brainiac crowd (though I DESPERATELY wanted to be! I'm such a nerd at heart! :)), but then again, I was TOO smart to be with the "cool kids", and, of course, I was to pudgy to be with the jocks.... sigh.... school can be SO CRUEL!!
So, being divorced...again, AND being 30, I realized this was NOT how my 30th was supposed to go! I mean, on tv and movies, your 30th is supposed to be the start of a glamorous new life of freedom and wisdom...right?? Well, my 30th went by pretty much in a blurry gray funk...
Then, a great thing happened... I turned 31!!! And with that birthday, I realized, I have completely wasted a year!!! I didn't get ONE INCH closer to becoming the woman I imagined myself to be. Well, call it anger, or frustration, or complete and total surrender...but I'd had enough!
I didn't care anymore about the excuses, the reasons, the doubts, the fears, or anything else that had been holding me back from becoming the woman I wanted to be. I told myself, I love my heart, I am a smart woman, I have a great job, and an AWESOME son and family.
The ONLY thing I didn't like was my physical state of being. (I was about 40 pounds overweight, and tired of hiding it in frumpy clothes.) So, ONE thing was keeping me from being who I wanted to be. JUST ONE THING!! ....ARGH!!!
Wel..nothing was going to get in my way ANYMORE! 31 was going to be the year I changed my life and took control!! So,.....
#1 I joined the YMCA for me and my son so we could use the pool and jogging track. (And I bought us each a fancy new gym bag, invested in workout clothes, and a swimsuit....(yikes!)) I swam laps for 30 minutes a couple times a week, alternating each lap with a different stroke... Wow!! THAT'S a total body workout!!!!
#2 I stopped drinking pop...(I have actual studies that will show you how horrible pop is for our bodies!) At first it was TORTURE! But, I'm happy to say I'm STILL pop-free!!! (I swear one day it'll be classified as an addictive substance!)
#3 I pulled out our Dance Dance Revolution game and played it every moment I could... (Alone at first...until I got REALLY good!! Then I challenged Aaron every chance I could! Hehehe...) It burns SO MANY CALORIES and it's so FUN!!! Try it if you haven't!!
#4 I started jogging...first slowly, and just around the block, but gradually longer and longer...with my dog. (Poor sweet willing companion!)
#5 I bought a food scale and shiny new measuring cups, and went on calorie counting websites to figure out how many calories I should be consuming...and then, followed my own plan. (Man! I washed so many dishes, did so much calculating, and wrote down so many meal plans back then! But hey, it was SO worth it!!!)
#6 I added fiber to EVERYTHING because it helped me feel full. (I bought the HIGH FIBER version of everything I could!)
#7 I stopped drinking ANYTHING but water, milk, or tea. (Fluid calories were a no-no! Except for milk)
#8 I realized that it was all about math. In versus out. I had it down to a science and I knew no matter what I did, as long as I followed the plan, I was going to lose weight! AND, I was eating AS MUCH AS I WANTED! It was GREAT!!!
# 8 THEN..... I would take monthly trips to the mall to downsize my wardrobe!!! (One of my favorite parts!!) It was so nice realizing that I could actually start to wear the clothes that were on the mannequins!!
AND...#9 I started dating...but that's a whole other story... Hahaha.....
So, by 6 months I had dropped almost 30 pounds! I was trimming inches and toning muscle. And today, 2 years later, I've kept it off. Not to say I haven't had ups and downs, but I keep trying new things. I don't swim as much anymore, as Aaron is so busy with sports...and I hate having wet hair in the winter...haha. And I reduced my jogging and calorie counting, now that I've got a better handle of moderation...and portion sizes
But now, to keep things fun and new, I'm doing the workout called P90x (you've probably seen it on those annoying late night infomercials. Haha...) It's a butt-kicker, but I tell you what, it works! I started slow...I mean S L O W, and... I'm kind of stubborn, meaning, I hate other people telling me what to do...even if they're on a DVD! So, I've tailored it to fit me...and my stubbornness. :)
Some people love classes and group athletics. Not me! I hate them! I am very much a solitary exerciser. But, that's just me. (Stubborn!!) Haha.
So, I guess that pretty much sums up how I got to this point. I think back to that statement I made when I turned 31, how there was only 1 thing keeping me from being that woman I longed to be. WOW!! Knowing what I know now, there was SO MUCH more that changed about me. I've become more confident, more patient, I finished my bachelor's degree, I took on more responsibility at work and church, and my relationship with God has vastly improved....but THAT'S ALSO another story!
31 was my best year...at that time. But honestly, 33 is even better! I can't wait to see what this next year will bring me!! I love getting older!!! :)
Dear God, I thank you for the gifts of life, love, and health. My body is a precious tool to live out the purpose you have for me. I'm sorry I spent so many years ignoring your purpose because I neglected my body and soul. I pray every day I become physically and mentally stronger so I can carry out your will. I need to help others, care for others, and if needed, carry others. And I'll need your strength. Thank you for the strength I've found within myself and within my growing relationship with you. AMEN!
To all my friends, I love you all, and I wish this year to be your best year ever...and the start of something new! God Bless!!!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
PS, I'm always excited to talk about new ways to promote physical health. I try not to be preachy or a know-it-all...I hate it when people are like that with me... So, feel free to talk about your ideas!! I really do want to hear them!!! :) AND, the fact that you all take the time to read my thoughts is quite truly a fantastic honor, and I thank you for that!!!
Friday, January 8, 2010
I love my mom!
After blogging so much about the importance of men and fathers, I started to feel a little guilty that I wasn't honoring my mother through my messages. Today's blog is dedicated to the love I have for my mom!!
"A heart of gold" is how my mom's friends describe her. It's odd to hear people describe a parent in that way. After all, my mom was the one who held the power of "guilt" over me growing up... But in all fairness, SHE KNEW IT WORKED! Wise and powerful woman she is! But for me, as an adult, to hear other women speak so highly of my mom, it forces me to look at her through a new lens...or a new perspective.
After all, she wasn't always a mom, but I can see how through her whole life up till this point, she's been a good hearted, warm, compassionate, giving, and caring woman.
My mom has always been a worker....a provider. Since I was alive, she's spent the majority of her week at her job, dedicating herself, giving 100% to building a career and eventually, running her own very successful business. She did this partly, to fulfill her own dream of owning a business, but also, for us.
I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to be able to get to know my mom more on a personal level...like a girlfriend. And there have been times as we're both older, when we have been able to spend "girl" time together. It was always nice, cordial, fun, and usually, a time to vent, and a time to laugh!
I realize now, being a mom, that she has done so much for me, and hasn't received NEARLY enough thanks and appreciation for what she's done. And she'd never be the type to gripe, complain, or dwell on NOT being thanked.
Yep, I'd say her friends are right, "A heart of gold" would be a beautiful way to describe her. And as her eldest daughter, I think it's time I honored her more and showed her, my dad, my sister, and her friends just how wonderful she is and how much she means to me and to my son.
One of my friends the other day overheard me on the phone with my mom. He said, "You don't tell your mom you love her on the phone?" I hadn't really thought about it, but I guess the "I love you's" hadn't been as expressive in our family as they are between my son and me. I tell him every chance I get. But, no, he was right, don't usually prompt an "I love you" with my folks... Hmm, I wonder why some families build that so easily into their every day conversation, and some don't.
So, my friend was the catalyst for change, and my goal is to honor my mom (and dad) by stepping out of the norm, and telling them I love them. After all, Jesus had no problem telling people he loved them. So, I'll follow in his footsteps, gain courage from him, and trust that honoring them is a way to show my love for God, for they are gifts from Him.
Oh, and as an aside, we've all probably heard that inside the heart of EVERY woman, young and old is the heart and soul of a little girl. There is a selection of books I've found that are full of beautiful "letters from God" to us as girls seeking our "Prince". They really touched me and met my ingrained need to have that loving "Prince" in my life. I gave one to my mom. I think she needs reminding that even though she works hard every day to provide and meet the needs of others, she's still a little "princess" asking her "Prince" to love her. I hope she enjoys it and feels her full worth as a child of God!
I love you MOM!!!!!
Dear God, my Prince,
Thank you for loving us, the women of this world. Whether we are mothers, daughters, sisters, cousins, neighbors, or friends, we are all sisters in your love. Use your never ending love to show us that we have no boundaries between us and that loving each other, erasing boundaries, hierarchies, and societies expectations, and truly appreciating each other for the beautiful creations you've created us to be is the best way to honor our sisterhood in Christ. Being strong women of God will create another generation of strong children in you. Help us to raise our children to be God loving. Help us love our brothers in Christ so to honor the men in the world. And help us to invite those who've been hurt, abandoned, rejected, and lost, back into our brother and sisterhood so we can heal and honor each other in your name. AMEN!
Peace friend!
~Erica
"A heart of gold" is how my mom's friends describe her. It's odd to hear people describe a parent in that way. After all, my mom was the one who held the power of "guilt" over me growing up... But in all fairness, SHE KNEW IT WORKED! Wise and powerful woman she is! But for me, as an adult, to hear other women speak so highly of my mom, it forces me to look at her through a new lens...or a new perspective.
After all, she wasn't always a mom, but I can see how through her whole life up till this point, she's been a good hearted, warm, compassionate, giving, and caring woman.
My mom has always been a worker....a provider. Since I was alive, she's spent the majority of her week at her job, dedicating herself, giving 100% to building a career and eventually, running her own very successful business. She did this partly, to fulfill her own dream of owning a business, but also, for us.
I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to be able to get to know my mom more on a personal level...like a girlfriend. And there have been times as we're both older, when we have been able to spend "girl" time together. It was always nice, cordial, fun, and usually, a time to vent, and a time to laugh!
I realize now, being a mom, that she has done so much for me, and hasn't received NEARLY enough thanks and appreciation for what she's done. And she'd never be the type to gripe, complain, or dwell on NOT being thanked.
Yep, I'd say her friends are right, "A heart of gold" would be a beautiful way to describe her. And as her eldest daughter, I think it's time I honored her more and showed her, my dad, my sister, and her friends just how wonderful she is and how much she means to me and to my son.
One of my friends the other day overheard me on the phone with my mom. He said, "You don't tell your mom you love her on the phone?" I hadn't really thought about it, but I guess the "I love you's" hadn't been as expressive in our family as they are between my son and me. I tell him every chance I get. But, no, he was right, don't usually prompt an "I love you" with my folks... Hmm, I wonder why some families build that so easily into their every day conversation, and some don't.
So, my friend was the catalyst for change, and my goal is to honor my mom (and dad) by stepping out of the norm, and telling them I love them. After all, Jesus had no problem telling people he loved them. So, I'll follow in his footsteps, gain courage from him, and trust that honoring them is a way to show my love for God, for they are gifts from Him.
Oh, and as an aside, we've all probably heard that inside the heart of EVERY woman, young and old is the heart and soul of a little girl. There is a selection of books I've found that are full of beautiful "letters from God" to us as girls seeking our "Prince". They really touched me and met my ingrained need to have that loving "Prince" in my life. I gave one to my mom. I think she needs reminding that even though she works hard every day to provide and meet the needs of others, she's still a little "princess" asking her "Prince" to love her. I hope she enjoys it and feels her full worth as a child of God!
I love you MOM!!!!!
Dear God, my Prince,
Thank you for loving us, the women of this world. Whether we are mothers, daughters, sisters, cousins, neighbors, or friends, we are all sisters in your love. Use your never ending love to show us that we have no boundaries between us and that loving each other, erasing boundaries, hierarchies, and societies expectations, and truly appreciating each other for the beautiful creations you've created us to be is the best way to honor our sisterhood in Christ. Being strong women of God will create another generation of strong children in you. Help us to raise our children to be God loving. Help us love our brothers in Christ so to honor the men in the world. And help us to invite those who've been hurt, abandoned, rejected, and lost, back into our brother and sisterhood so we can heal and honor each other in your name. AMEN!
Peace friend!
~Erica
Thursday, January 7, 2010
The Shack, Fathers, and Self-Esteem
So, I'm reading The Shack, and for those of you who haven't read it, its a story about a man who loses his daughter to a murderer and then subsequently struggles with his faith. This so-called "Shack" is the location of his interaction with God about his faith. Without giving too much away for those of you who want to read it, there's one part that triggered a stream of thoughts that connected with some hypothesis I've had about fathers.
Basically, the main character wanted to know why people refer to God as "father". God explains that in his divine plan about human kind, he knew that fathers would be in less supply than mothers. Thus, by referring to God as "father" society would have more of a "fatherly" influence to help with the lack in supply.
Ok, so this leads me to the topic of Self esteem... I know, kind of a leap huh? Bear with me...
I work with teenagers and kids everyday and I'd say 99.9% of the patients have "poor self esteem". Now, there are several theories of why this is happening to today's youth... Ie., We're being too hard on them; We're being too soft on them; They have no sense of accomplishment; Society is lacking in giving kids "rites of passage" activities...etc. Well, my theory is that a great deal of our self esteem comes from our upbringing...or specifically, from our fathers.
It was in my first blog that I stressed the importance of helping men realize their value in society. THIS is one reason why. A strong father figure with a healthy, loving, and guiding relationship with his daughters and sons will give them the foundation and confidence they need to step out into the world. I'm not sure why, or exactly what chemical or neurological pathway this relationship alters or effects, but somehow...this just seems to work!
Think about it, we've all had friends who had dads who were really involved in their kids' lives. These were the friends that didn't really complain about their dads like the rest of us did. "My dad is the worst! He's so mean!" Nope, these kids usually were pretty quiet, because they knew their dad was a decent person.
Now, think about these friends some more. Where they confident, secure, and tended to follow the rules? Yep. These were the families that the rest of us were envious of. "They're the perfect family!" And I have to say, I think a huge part of that is the level of involvement of the father.
Research suggests that the level of education a child aspires to has a great deal to do with the level the mother aspired to. For example, if my mom got her bachelor's degree, it's VERY likely I'll AT LEAST achieve that level as well. Pretty cool huh?
So, MY little addendum is that if the father is a strong leader, a teacher regarding discipline, can show his love for his kids, AND has a healthy bond with them, they'll have strong self esteem. Yes, I realize this isn't scientific and I have no ACTUAL proof...but I do have experience. Both personal, AND professional.
On a personal level, growing up, I had a 'sketchy' relationship with my father. I've mentioned in other blogs that our family had it's share of skeletons. And without going into uncomfortable details, his and my relationship was fairly strained all the way into my 20's. (Grandchildren can work miracles and break down walls!! Praise God!!) Well, I personally struggled with very poor self esteem all through this time. I didn't know who I was, much less who I was to look for in terms of "a good man" Over the years I've grown and learned some pretty tough lessons. Marriage, divorce, having a child who I've ended up raising by myself, putting myself through the military, nursing school, and then, venturing out into the world of dating...
Over the course of the last 10 years, my father and I (thank GOD!) began to heal our relationship. He battled and overcame some of his demons, and so did I. He has since become the father I consider myself EXTREMELY lucky to have. Now, is it coincidence that my own personal self-esteem level has gone up tremendously since then? I'd like to think there's a strong correlation. Now granted, I DID do a 'crap-load' of work to get myself to where I am today. But I have to be totally honest, had my parents not been so incredibly supportive to me over these last 10 years as they've been able to strengthen their own marriage, I guarantee, I wouldn't have been able to accomplish even HALF of what I did. Nor would I feel so self assured and confident as I do today.
Now, on a professional level, as a child and teen psych nurse, I see so many broken homes, and sad to say, one of our "standard"...yet informal questions we ask the patient upon admission, is "Is your dad in the picture?" 9 times out of 10, they aren't. And 9 times out of 10, these kids hate themselves....
I also work with teens who are suffering with eating disorders. (Anorexia, bulimia, etc.) The 'typical' anorexic girl is beautiful, a perfectionist, straight A's, is in sports, and her room is cute, perfect, and colorful...like out of a decorating magazine.... In addition, they usually don't get along with their fathers...
Again, yes, I realize I'm making assumptions based on possibly completely unrelated correlations, but still, there's gotta be a link there somewhere. I swear I recall a speaker once even saying, "Self Esteem comes from a healthy relationship with the father". So, I know I'm not the only one with this theory...
Hmmm, maybe when I get some 'down time' (Hahahaha!) I'll do some research and see if there is actual data showing a connection.
BUT, until then, it can't hurt to consider the possibility, right? I mean after all, if it IS true, what does that mean? Well, you men out there, father or not, YOU make a HUGE impact in the youth of today!!!!
Be a mentor! Love your kids! Be a representative of God the "Father" and S.O.S.E! (Save Our Self Esteem!)
I could go on and on about this topic, but, I think you get the point. The next time you come across a kid....or even an adult....with poor self esteem, ask them what their relationship was like with their father... I'm curious if you'll have the same discovery I have!
Dear Blessed Father,
THANK YOU for your unconditional love for me. For your love gives me the confidence I need to go out into the world and be true to myself. True to what you created me to be. With your love and sacrifice, I don't need to worry about bowing to the pressure of society for I know that living my life for you, honoring you, and loving others as a representative of you will keep me strong. And THANK YOU for our FATHERS on EARTH! May we care for them, appreciate them, encourage them, and love them, for they are a gift from you and the key to our every day balance between the pressures of the world and your Greatness. Amen!
Peace Friend!!
~Erica
Basically, the main character wanted to know why people refer to God as "father". God explains that in his divine plan about human kind, he knew that fathers would be in less supply than mothers. Thus, by referring to God as "father" society would have more of a "fatherly" influence to help with the lack in supply.
Ok, so this leads me to the topic of Self esteem... I know, kind of a leap huh? Bear with me...
I work with teenagers and kids everyday and I'd say 99.9% of the patients have "poor self esteem". Now, there are several theories of why this is happening to today's youth... Ie., We're being too hard on them; We're being too soft on them; They have no sense of accomplishment; Society is lacking in giving kids "rites of passage" activities...etc. Well, my theory is that a great deal of our self esteem comes from our upbringing...or specifically, from our fathers.
It was in my first blog that I stressed the importance of helping men realize their value in society. THIS is one reason why. A strong father figure with a healthy, loving, and guiding relationship with his daughters and sons will give them the foundation and confidence they need to step out into the world. I'm not sure why, or exactly what chemical or neurological pathway this relationship alters or effects, but somehow...this just seems to work!
Think about it, we've all had friends who had dads who were really involved in their kids' lives. These were the friends that didn't really complain about their dads like the rest of us did. "My dad is the worst! He's so mean!" Nope, these kids usually were pretty quiet, because they knew their dad was a decent person.
Now, think about these friends some more. Where they confident, secure, and tended to follow the rules? Yep. These were the families that the rest of us were envious of. "They're the perfect family!" And I have to say, I think a huge part of that is the level of involvement of the father.
Research suggests that the level of education a child aspires to has a great deal to do with the level the mother aspired to. For example, if my mom got her bachelor's degree, it's VERY likely I'll AT LEAST achieve that level as well. Pretty cool huh?
So, MY little addendum is that if the father is a strong leader, a teacher regarding discipline, can show his love for his kids, AND has a healthy bond with them, they'll have strong self esteem. Yes, I realize this isn't scientific and I have no ACTUAL proof...but I do have experience. Both personal, AND professional.
On a personal level, growing up, I had a 'sketchy' relationship with my father. I've mentioned in other blogs that our family had it's share of skeletons. And without going into uncomfortable details, his and my relationship was fairly strained all the way into my 20's. (Grandchildren can work miracles and break down walls!! Praise God!!) Well, I personally struggled with very poor self esteem all through this time. I didn't know who I was, much less who I was to look for in terms of "a good man" Over the years I've grown and learned some pretty tough lessons. Marriage, divorce, having a child who I've ended up raising by myself, putting myself through the military, nursing school, and then, venturing out into the world of dating...
Over the course of the last 10 years, my father and I (thank GOD!) began to heal our relationship. He battled and overcame some of his demons, and so did I. He has since become the father I consider myself EXTREMELY lucky to have. Now, is it coincidence that my own personal self-esteem level has gone up tremendously since then? I'd like to think there's a strong correlation. Now granted, I DID do a 'crap-load' of work to get myself to where I am today. But I have to be totally honest, had my parents not been so incredibly supportive to me over these last 10 years as they've been able to strengthen their own marriage, I guarantee, I wouldn't have been able to accomplish even HALF of what I did. Nor would I feel so self assured and confident as I do today.
Now, on a professional level, as a child and teen psych nurse, I see so many broken homes, and sad to say, one of our "standard"...yet informal questions we ask the patient upon admission, is "Is your dad in the picture?" 9 times out of 10, they aren't. And 9 times out of 10, these kids hate themselves....
I also work with teens who are suffering with eating disorders. (Anorexia, bulimia, etc.) The 'typical' anorexic girl is beautiful, a perfectionist, straight A's, is in sports, and her room is cute, perfect, and colorful...like out of a decorating magazine.... In addition, they usually don't get along with their fathers...
Again, yes, I realize I'm making assumptions based on possibly completely unrelated correlations, but still, there's gotta be a link there somewhere. I swear I recall a speaker once even saying, "Self Esteem comes from a healthy relationship with the father". So, I know I'm not the only one with this theory...
Hmmm, maybe when I get some 'down time' (Hahahaha!) I'll do some research and see if there is actual data showing a connection.
BUT, until then, it can't hurt to consider the possibility, right? I mean after all, if it IS true, what does that mean? Well, you men out there, father or not, YOU make a HUGE impact in the youth of today!!!!
Be a mentor! Love your kids! Be a representative of God the "Father" and S.O.S.E! (Save Our Self Esteem!)
I could go on and on about this topic, but, I think you get the point. The next time you come across a kid....or even an adult....with poor self esteem, ask them what their relationship was like with their father... I'm curious if you'll have the same discovery I have!
Dear Blessed Father,
THANK YOU for your unconditional love for me. For your love gives me the confidence I need to go out into the world and be true to myself. True to what you created me to be. With your love and sacrifice, I don't need to worry about bowing to the pressure of society for I know that living my life for you, honoring you, and loving others as a representative of you will keep me strong. And THANK YOU for our FATHERS on EARTH! May we care for them, appreciate them, encourage them, and love them, for they are a gift from you and the key to our every day balance between the pressures of the world and your Greatness. Amen!
Peace Friend!!
~Erica
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Grace overpowers the silence of singlehood
Well, it's my first day off since I ended my most recent relationship... My last couple days-off were spent with him and his kids. Its hard now. The hustle and responsibilities of everyday life have kept me buffered against the obvious 'silence' that being single is often accompanied with.
I started with my devotion and read about Grace and how the little acts we do or receive are so powerful even though we may not realize it at the time.
Then I thought about the mountain of things I need to accomplish today to keep me on my path...pay bills, apply for a class, dishes, laundry, yoga, grocery shopping, make a baby blanket for a coworker,...never ending lists.
But despite my self made busy-ness, that silence keeps creeping in. How I desire a distraction from it. Something that fills me and tells me that I won't be single forever, or even that someone at this moment is thinking about me, even though we may not be able to be together... Even that would be enough.
But if I CAN make it through this day, through this silence of singlehood, without the reassurances from men, then perhaps that's best. I don't need them...I just want them... There's that pain-in-the-butt DESIRE again...Sheesh, what a persistent little mosquito...
There's a beautiful Christian song I've recently found, and absolutely adore. Its called "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North. There's a verse that asks (From God's perspective), "Why are you searching for love? Why do you keep looking, as if I'm not enough?" Wow, that's what I need to have pounded into me. Why do I keep searching? God's love is MORE than enough for me, and although I know in my heart someday I'll meet a God-fearing and loving man who is good enough for me, his love will NEVER match the love God has for me.
It makes sense, logically then, that I put aside the silly desires of searching for love. But practically, we all know, it's really hard to do. Especially in the silence of my home, all alone, when I think back to what I THOUGHT I had, and now realize it just wasn't meant to be...
So... Thanks be to God that He gave us MUSIC to fill the silence, and that He gave us DOGS to make us laugh, and He gave us CATS to keep us busy, and He gave us 10yr old boys to fill us with pride and hope, and He gave us FRIENDS to listen to us and read our stories, and He gave us GRACE...for its the little things that make the biggest difference!
Silence schmilence... I'd better get going, I've got a lot to do today!!
God Bless you!
Peace Friend,
~Erica
I started with my devotion and read about Grace and how the little acts we do or receive are so powerful even though we may not realize it at the time.
Then I thought about the mountain of things I need to accomplish today to keep me on my path...pay bills, apply for a class, dishes, laundry, yoga, grocery shopping, make a baby blanket for a coworker,...never ending lists.
But despite my self made busy-ness, that silence keeps creeping in. How I desire a distraction from it. Something that fills me and tells me that I won't be single forever, or even that someone at this moment is thinking about me, even though we may not be able to be together... Even that would be enough.
But if I CAN make it through this day, through this silence of singlehood, without the reassurances from men, then perhaps that's best. I don't need them...I just want them... There's that pain-in-the-butt DESIRE again...Sheesh, what a persistent little mosquito...
There's a beautiful Christian song I've recently found, and absolutely adore. Its called "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North. There's a verse that asks (From God's perspective), "Why are you searching for love? Why do you keep looking, as if I'm not enough?" Wow, that's what I need to have pounded into me. Why do I keep searching? God's love is MORE than enough for me, and although I know in my heart someday I'll meet a God-fearing and loving man who is good enough for me, his love will NEVER match the love God has for me.
It makes sense, logically then, that I put aside the silly desires of searching for love. But practically, we all know, it's really hard to do. Especially in the silence of my home, all alone, when I think back to what I THOUGHT I had, and now realize it just wasn't meant to be...
So... Thanks be to God that He gave us MUSIC to fill the silence, and that He gave us DOGS to make us laugh, and He gave us CATS to keep us busy, and He gave us 10yr old boys to fill us with pride and hope, and He gave us FRIENDS to listen to us and read our stories, and He gave us GRACE...for its the little things that make the biggest difference!
Silence schmilence... I'd better get going, I've got a lot to do today!!
God Bless you!
Peace Friend,
~Erica
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Thanks Mom and Dad!
Thank you Mom and Dad for what you taught me…
Wow, understatement of the YEAR! Well, ok, so it's only January 5th…5 days into the new year, but still, I can't even begin to describe how much I'm thankful for what my folks have taught me!
One of my favorite lessons though is the act of acceptance and moving forward. I tell you what, having to come clean to my mom and dad about something I've done wrong or something I've felt guilty about, has always been hard….but, after 33 years of doing this, I know 100% in my heart that they'll always love me, forgive me, accept me, and encourage me. How great is that?? If I can pass that on to MY son…well, then I will have honored them in one of the best ways I know how.
Now, mind you, it hasn’t always been this way in my family. Like everyone's family, mine has it's shares of demons, skeletons, secrets, failures, and mistakes…(and most of that can be summed up by two words...teenage girls...) But the theme of the day is "acceptance and moving forward" right? Ha! So, we shall...
So, why is this lesson my favorite? Well, I suppose first of all it just fits right with my personality. I'm optimistic, forgiving, loving, and very much into promoting positive energy. Feelings of anger, resentment, fear, hate, hurt, doubt, and pity are all negative energies. You know what I mean? They're the feelings that zap you into a cold dark funk…and even on the sunniest and warmest of days (remember those?...sigh…) those feelings will tie you down. Worse yet, they leak out of us like a soaking wet dripping dirty dish sponge…oozing onto whomever or whatever passes by. Why on earth would I want to pass that on to someone else??
So, acceptance and moving forward involves forgiveness. Forgiveness of others AND forgiveness of myself. That 'forgiveness of self' part is the hardest. So many of us have used self criticism and negative self labels like "failure", "fraud", and "destructive" as a means to motivate us to work harder, and hopefully, to get better… ….Sigh… but there are better ways to do it.
I read a Keys for Kids Bible devotion (or "Devo's" as my friend calls them) to Aaron last night about a young boy who thought he was useless and worthless… "I'm no good" the boy said. Well, Aaron, sad to say, perked right up and said, "I feel just like that!" (Now, to be honest, had you been in the neighborhood at that exact moment, you may have heard my heart break!)
But what the devotional lesson stated was that Satan puts those thoughts into our heads. Of course, being a wonderfully wise little man, Aaron looked at me like I was crazy, and said, "Nu-uh Mom, my BRAIN put them there!"…(Too smart for his own good I tell ya!)… So I explained that when Satan, or society, or what-not, puts those thoughts into our heads, they block the message that God has for us. Which is, as most of us know, "You are precious…and God don't make junk!" (Which according to my little man, is VERY poor grammar). Haha. Wow, he's actually paying attention in school! Yay for small victories!!
Ok, so back to what my parents taught me. Basically, every time I would fall into a "pity party", full of tears, self doubt, and self criticism, my Dad would give me that look of exasperation, like HE was getting frustrated with me! And rightly so! I was falling into the trap of denying what God had created. Someone with a beautiful heart, plans, dreams, and a purpose.
All it takes is my Dad's look, that sigh, and then him saying, "Well?! Move on! Ok? So, you've learned from it, you know what you need to do, now DO IT!" (I learned over the years that though it may at times sound harsh, he truly means it out of love…)
So thank you Mom and Dad. Your words of wisdom, your little looks, sighs, and all the other nonverbal messages are always there in the back of my mind…pushing me forward, keeping me on track…
And now it's my turn. When my friends and family have their own periods of self pity and fall into Satan's trap, I get that same feeling of exasperation. Though parts of me wish I could just jump in and help them, I know each battle they overcome is another lesson learned.
...And, BOY, I've learned a LOT of lessons…Hmmm, maybe THAT'S why I can never remember where my keys are! Data OVERLOAD! Haha…that's my theory about my disappearing keys anyway...
So, Dear God, help us all to find healthy ways to motivate ourselves, our friends and our family members, other than through self criticism and self labeling… They may help for a moment, but the damage is so much worse in the end. Help us to accept, forgive, and move forward, and make our hearts and our ears clear and open, to hear the love you have for us…even though we're not perfect. Amen!
Peace Friend!
~Erica
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