Besides "Get out of your mind and into your life", "God will provide" is my other favorite motto. It encompasses everything. What will I do with my life? What is my purpose? What should I do to find motivation? How do I be a better mother? How do I solve this particular problem? When will I find a good husband? How do I pay off all my debt? How will I finish school? And on and on and on....
When God answers our prayers in a way that we can actually recognize them...it's a powerful event. Sitting back and watching all the pieces of our lives fall into place like a giant Tetris game. Its at those moments that I realize just how powerful and all knowing God is. How one little event may not seem like much, and then down the road after a series of other seemingly unimportant and unconnected events, they all suddenly line up into a perfect combination that answers the prayers I've been saying for years... Aaaahh. God is good. :)
I'm being a bit vague I realize, and so to elaborate on my current life's adventures, I've been praying to know my purpose for quite some time... I've always known I wanted to work with kids. Be a teacher? No, that didn't work out. I needed a closer connection with children then standing in front of a chalk board. I'm way too introverted for that...plus, I hate public speaking...
So, nursing was God's answer for me... First, medical nursing with adults, just to figure out how to interact with someone intimately, but professionally. Then, off to child psych, where I learned how to work with TEENAGERS. Boy, talk about self therapy...I think I grew up fast that year... Any issues I had about having my own tough adolescence were quickly dealt with and healed!
Then, how to better my personal life. God allowed me the resources and support to finish school and to work on my house. I have had such a supportive group of family AND friends. I'm truly blessed.
And now, facing the next challenge in my mind...a crossroads. Do I go back to school for my nurse practitioner, or do I focus on making a difference here and now. I've wanted to start support groups in the community for kids dealing with mental health stress. I want to put the skills I have as a psych nurse to good use. And, I want to make a difference.
Peace Church has given me the opportunity to join others with the same dreams and goals. Sacred conversations on race issues. Lenten services talking about race, equality, and social activism. And now, with a unique opportunity to work with a woman who has taken the steps to make a difference in the lives of underprivileged, abused, and struggling kids, and she's invited me to join them on a regular basis for support and education groups.
I have to just say Amen! Praise God because in helping others, God has answered my prayers as well. I only hope now that I can live up to the expectations I have for myself.
I've set certain things in my life aside for now. Dating, traveling, home improvements. I set these things aside before I even knew what God had in store for me. I did so because I followed that calling within me. That calling that said, "Trust me. I will provide." And he has.
Dear God, Thank you for the light I feel inside me. I feel focused, fulfilled, and directed. I know that I'm not perfect and every day I struggle, but I trust that your plan for me is good. When I speak to kids, I trust that you will fill my head and my mouth with the words they need to hear. When I see a child needing a hug, I trust the Holy Spirit to fill me with courage to hug them. And when I am tired and worn, and I just want to be alone, you remind me that as a mother, I've been blessed with the gift of a son who needs my time, my love, and my encouragement. I pray you give me the strength to be a witness to the love of Jesus. AMEN!
Peace friends,
~Erica
Monday, March 15, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Got Grace?
So, yes, big surprise, I have a tendency to get stuck inside my head every once in a while... :)
There's a saying, sometimes people choose psychiatry...and sometimes, psychiatry chooses them... Well, I believe it chose me. I believe I bring some of my gifts to my job, but more so, child psychiatry has brought so much to my life.
What does this have to do with being 'stuck' inside my head? Bear with me...my points in here somewhere... :)
Maybe it's the introvert part of me, or maybe it's the intuitive part of me, OR, maybe its just part of being human!... But, whatever it is, I sometimes have thoughts that spin and spin and dig and swirl and at times, almost paralyze me. Stressful thoughts can be either strong motivators, OR, they can feel like 1000 times the force of gravity, making it nearly impossible to even get out of bed in the morning!
So, here's a perfect example of how God's grace has worked its way through my life in the form of child psychiatry... We have this book that we give kids called, "Get Out Of Your Mind and Into Your Life". Wow! What a perfect motto! Well, I know from experience that for many of the teens I've worked with, this book has been a life saver. And for me, it's been no less than that. Have I read it? Well, no, but the title...a motto...a mantra... that phrase has been enough to keep me going on more than a few days. And praise God for it!!
It seems kind of silly, but I have occasionally, literally, spent an entire day feeling like a wind up toy...winding myself up by repeating those words over and over, and doing work, being productive, and, "Getting Into My Live," even when my thoughts try to suck me back down into a stand-still.
And well, I guess, for all of us, some days are like that...
And on those days, I'm just so thankful for God choosing child psychiatry for me...and helping me to stay focused on the beauty that is my life. :)
Dear God, Thank you so much for your Grace. I'm unworthy of it but still, I'm whole heartedly thankful. And Lord, thank you for the gifts you've given me in this life. My friends, my family, my home, my son, and my career. You've granted me the opportunity to be helpful, and even more, to be helped. Everyday I'm touched by the kindness of my fellow nurses, and by the richness of the lives of our patients. Thank you for helping me to grow, appreciate, and strengthen my ability to love others, even when life is hard, and teenage attitudes are even harder! I pray that every day I become a better nurse and in your name I will carry out your plan, to help, to heal, to love, and to be an example of a good and caring woman, mother, and nurse. AMEN!
By God's Grace...we live another beautiful day, and "get into our lives".
Peace friends!
~Erica
There's a saying, sometimes people choose psychiatry...and sometimes, psychiatry chooses them... Well, I believe it chose me. I believe I bring some of my gifts to my job, but more so, child psychiatry has brought so much to my life.
What does this have to do with being 'stuck' inside my head? Bear with me...my points in here somewhere... :)
Maybe it's the introvert part of me, or maybe it's the intuitive part of me, OR, maybe its just part of being human!... But, whatever it is, I sometimes have thoughts that spin and spin and dig and swirl and at times, almost paralyze me. Stressful thoughts can be either strong motivators, OR, they can feel like 1000 times the force of gravity, making it nearly impossible to even get out of bed in the morning!
So, here's a perfect example of how God's grace has worked its way through my life in the form of child psychiatry... We have this book that we give kids called, "Get Out Of Your Mind and Into Your Life". Wow! What a perfect motto! Well, I know from experience that for many of the teens I've worked with, this book has been a life saver. And for me, it's been no less than that. Have I read it? Well, no, but the title...a motto...a mantra... that phrase has been enough to keep me going on more than a few days. And praise God for it!!
It seems kind of silly, but I have occasionally, literally, spent an entire day feeling like a wind up toy...winding myself up by repeating those words over and over, and doing work, being productive, and, "Getting Into My Live," even when my thoughts try to suck me back down into a stand-still.
And well, I guess, for all of us, some days are like that...
And on those days, I'm just so thankful for God choosing child psychiatry for me...and helping me to stay focused on the beauty that is my life. :)
Dear God, Thank you so much for your Grace. I'm unworthy of it but still, I'm whole heartedly thankful. And Lord, thank you for the gifts you've given me in this life. My friends, my family, my home, my son, and my career. You've granted me the opportunity to be helpful, and even more, to be helped. Everyday I'm touched by the kindness of my fellow nurses, and by the richness of the lives of our patients. Thank you for helping me to grow, appreciate, and strengthen my ability to love others, even when life is hard, and teenage attitudes are even harder! I pray that every day I become a better nurse and in your name I will carry out your plan, to help, to heal, to love, and to be an example of a good and caring woman, mother, and nurse. AMEN!
By God's Grace...we live another beautiful day, and "get into our lives".
Peace friends!
~Erica
Saturday, January 30, 2010
The Beauty of the Blue Period
Hi everyone,
I'll be honest, I've not been feeling all that inspirational lately, or driven to write. Hence the lack of blogs lately. Still, I have this sense that I need to sit and try today. Thank you Kris for the motivation! :)
I can see why writer's block is such a stress... To know I have thoughts inside me swimming around but they're not able to get out. Ugh!
So, I pause as I sit in my chair, lay my head back, close my eyes, and say a silent prayer... "God, help to me understand what I'm feeling, help me to get it out in words, and help me to provide something that the world could benefit from...Amen"
Hmmmm.....
So, I guess I can't always be the optimistic ray of sunshine that I hope I can... but then again, maybe this is a normal part of real life.. Sometimes life just isn't about sunshine. It's about being real. There's a lot of night and darkness in life too... And really, without these dark periods, we can't appreciate the light.
I assume I'm not the only one who goes through these periods. After all, didn't Vincent Van Gogh have a 'Blue Period'? Wow, to be able to artistically and creatively express one's feelings of sadness on canvas with oils, pigments, paints, and brushes. Such beauty!
Well, I wasn't awarded that creative gift of expression...but I certainly admire those who do... You know what else I've always wished to have? A beautiful singing voice. And with all these shows on today like American Idol, I can see I'm not the only one who wishes for this! But on the other hand, really, what does a professional singer bring to the world that I desire? What does a painter bring that I can't?
I think those of us who work in our 'normal' jobs (teachers, nurses, doctors, business owners, pastors, etc.) do such good works. I think the singer or the painter was given their gift partly, as a gift to us. We are the back bone to this world. The artists are those who bring us pleasing things like the songs we sing in the car on the way to the work, or the paintings we have on our living room walls as we sit on the floor and play chess with our kids. (Aaron is becoming quite the player!)
So, I can see how we all have a place or role in this world. And being envious or sad because I can't create these artistic masterpieces is to mistrust that God knows what he's doing. He gave me an 'average' singing voice, (I'm GREAT when I'm alone in the car!) and a hand that is only capable of drawing 'really good stick figures' because he knows that I'm meant to be a nurse, a mom, a friend. :)
I guess I need to remind myself of that. The other lesson I've learned is that being "blue" sometimes is not a bad thing. Certainly in our society, in the fast-paced schedule we are all in, it's a struggle when we don't feel totally 'on top of our game'. We can get pretty hard on ourselves.
So, when this happens, what can we do? Well, I think it's healthy to take time... We need to nurture our souls. We need to pray, and we need to remember our role in this world. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. We need to think about what's weighing us down. Sometimes we struggle because something actually happened... An event that has shaken us or brought us a sense of loss. Sometimes we're down just because of our body chemistry, or from a lack of sunshine, or even from a less-than-ideal diet that could cause us to feel sub-par. Either way, It's never easy, and finding a way to cope with our own personal versions of the "Blue Period" is a part of life, and certainly, a part of growth.
Well, for me, one of my dear friends is leaving his family tomorrow because of his deployment orders. Its been hard for me, on several levels. First is that he is a fellow soldier and I greatly admire is service. But the sense of worry and fear is there. The next is that he's shown all of his friends just what an amazing father he is. The sacrifices he's made to care for his kids while he is gone is truly exceptional. It's touching, overwhelming, and heartwarming to see another parent sacrificing their role as a parent for the sake of our country. I pray for his continued safety and for the well being of his children while he's gone. The weight of knowing about someone's sacrifice and the potential for loss can almost be paralyzing at times.
So, because of this, needless to say, I've been kind of 'bummed out'...
YET, despite this, the world keeps spinning. The sun keeps shining...GLORIOUS! My son keeps telling me he's hungry...which I LOVE to hear :), my dog keeps wanting to play catch, and God keeps showing me that he loves me. I'm blessed! I was vacuuming earlier, and being thankful for it. I'm thankful for my home, for my vacuum, for my clean carpet, for my big pile of laundry waiting to be washed, for my dishes that need to be put away, for the grad school application that's STILL waiting to be sent in, the emails that are awaiting reply, and even the 'blue' I'm feeling. I'm thankful for it all. And I know, if I never felt these times of sadness, I wouldn't come to know the joy of perseverance, the pride of being able to overcome, and the warmth, peace and glory of being full of sunshine and optimism!
I take lessons from it all. And to you, my friends, I thank you. Because its through these writings that I feel a great sense of accomplishment, of self-expression, and of growth. Thanks to you and thanks to God. For He knows. He knows what we need...In every moment...in THIS moment. He knows. And he provides. Praise God!
Now I pray for you all. I pray that your 'Blue Periods' bring you closer to God, and that the growth you experience as you overcome the darkness carries you further along on his journey. And...that those small glimmers of sunshine and joy that return to your heart as the sadness fades away, are the treasures that you keep with you. Because those little glimmers of joy are the Holy Spirit! God is here...in our very lives...even in the darkness! Amen!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
PS, AND GOD BE WITH THE SOLDIERS!! AMEN!!
I'll be honest, I've not been feeling all that inspirational lately, or driven to write. Hence the lack of blogs lately. Still, I have this sense that I need to sit and try today. Thank you Kris for the motivation! :)
I can see why writer's block is such a stress... To know I have thoughts inside me swimming around but they're not able to get out. Ugh!
So, I pause as I sit in my chair, lay my head back, close my eyes, and say a silent prayer... "God, help to me understand what I'm feeling, help me to get it out in words, and help me to provide something that the world could benefit from...Amen"
Hmmmm.....
So, I guess I can't always be the optimistic ray of sunshine that I hope I can... but then again, maybe this is a normal part of real life.. Sometimes life just isn't about sunshine. It's about being real. There's a lot of night and darkness in life too... And really, without these dark periods, we can't appreciate the light.
I assume I'm not the only one who goes through these periods. After all, didn't Vincent Van Gogh have a 'Blue Period'? Wow, to be able to artistically and creatively express one's feelings of sadness on canvas with oils, pigments, paints, and brushes. Such beauty!
Well, I wasn't awarded that creative gift of expression...but I certainly admire those who do... You know what else I've always wished to have? A beautiful singing voice. And with all these shows on today like American Idol, I can see I'm not the only one who wishes for this! But on the other hand, really, what does a professional singer bring to the world that I desire? What does a painter bring that I can't?
I think those of us who work in our 'normal' jobs (teachers, nurses, doctors, business owners, pastors, etc.) do such good works. I think the singer or the painter was given their gift partly, as a gift to us. We are the back bone to this world. The artists are those who bring us pleasing things like the songs we sing in the car on the way to the work, or the paintings we have on our living room walls as we sit on the floor and play chess with our kids. (Aaron is becoming quite the player!)
So, I can see how we all have a place or role in this world. And being envious or sad because I can't create these artistic masterpieces is to mistrust that God knows what he's doing. He gave me an 'average' singing voice, (I'm GREAT when I'm alone in the car!) and a hand that is only capable of drawing 'really good stick figures' because he knows that I'm meant to be a nurse, a mom, a friend. :)
I guess I need to remind myself of that. The other lesson I've learned is that being "blue" sometimes is not a bad thing. Certainly in our society, in the fast-paced schedule we are all in, it's a struggle when we don't feel totally 'on top of our game'. We can get pretty hard on ourselves.
So, when this happens, what can we do? Well, I think it's healthy to take time... We need to nurture our souls. We need to pray, and we need to remember our role in this world. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. We need to think about what's weighing us down. Sometimes we struggle because something actually happened... An event that has shaken us or brought us a sense of loss. Sometimes we're down just because of our body chemistry, or from a lack of sunshine, or even from a less-than-ideal diet that could cause us to feel sub-par. Either way, It's never easy, and finding a way to cope with our own personal versions of the "Blue Period" is a part of life, and certainly, a part of growth.
Well, for me, one of my dear friends is leaving his family tomorrow because of his deployment orders. Its been hard for me, on several levels. First is that he is a fellow soldier and I greatly admire is service. But the sense of worry and fear is there. The next is that he's shown all of his friends just what an amazing father he is. The sacrifices he's made to care for his kids while he is gone is truly exceptional. It's touching, overwhelming, and heartwarming to see another parent sacrificing their role as a parent for the sake of our country. I pray for his continued safety and for the well being of his children while he's gone. The weight of knowing about someone's sacrifice and the potential for loss can almost be paralyzing at times.
So, because of this, needless to say, I've been kind of 'bummed out'...
YET, despite this, the world keeps spinning. The sun keeps shining...GLORIOUS! My son keeps telling me he's hungry...which I LOVE to hear :), my dog keeps wanting to play catch, and God keeps showing me that he loves me. I'm blessed! I was vacuuming earlier, and being thankful for it. I'm thankful for my home, for my vacuum, for my clean carpet, for my big pile of laundry waiting to be washed, for my dishes that need to be put away, for the grad school application that's STILL waiting to be sent in, the emails that are awaiting reply, and even the 'blue' I'm feeling. I'm thankful for it all. And I know, if I never felt these times of sadness, I wouldn't come to know the joy of perseverance, the pride of being able to overcome, and the warmth, peace and glory of being full of sunshine and optimism!
I take lessons from it all. And to you, my friends, I thank you. Because its through these writings that I feel a great sense of accomplishment, of self-expression, and of growth. Thanks to you and thanks to God. For He knows. He knows what we need...In every moment...in THIS moment. He knows. And he provides. Praise God!
Now I pray for you all. I pray that your 'Blue Periods' bring you closer to God, and that the growth you experience as you overcome the darkness carries you further along on his journey. And...that those small glimmers of sunshine and joy that return to your heart as the sadness fades away, are the treasures that you keep with you. Because those little glimmers of joy are the Holy Spirit! God is here...in our very lives...even in the darkness! Amen!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
PS, AND GOD BE WITH THE SOLDIERS!! AMEN!!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Equal Rights and Electric Guitars...
So, I'm sitting here, with my living room being invaded by 11 year old boys, and my counter tops covered in delicious and high calorie goodies fit for any boys' birthday party, and I'm the only adult...trying to find a place to call my own...for the next 24 hours... (What did I get myself into?) :-)
As I hide, I'm thinking a variety of thoughts, as I also try to manage the ensuing madness in the other room, the pizza's cooking in the oven, the dog trying to decide if she's brave enough to encroach into the other room, and the cat...well, the cat is NOWHERE to be seen... Hmmm, to be the size of a breadbox...I can see the advantages!
The main thought I have is this, today at church I was once again given confirmation that this is the church for me... Aaron and I have been attending Peach United Church of Christ for about 2 years now...but always as "visitors"... I haven't yet made the leap to become a full-fledged "member". Why? Well, making commitments are always decisions worth taking one's time. Granted, I've loved this church since the very first service we attended, and this year I've even volunteered to teach Sunday School twice a month. So, yea, maybe it's time I made my commitment 'official'.
So, what was it about the service today that reconfirmed my commitment to Peace? Today, and really, this whole upcoming season of Lent is and will be dedicated to promoting and advocating for social justice. Today, we had a beautiful and very honorably done service dedicated to the Reverend Dr Martin Luther King Jr. It was beautiful. Not only was it a nice remembrance of a powerful leader and activist, but the service called to us...well, at least, it called to me. Thank you God that my heart is open to hearing your messages!!
During a beautiful song, up on the screen were black and white photos of activists, some marching, some singing, some listening, some praying. Some being attacked, some being sprayed with water hoses... Every one of these activists fighting for justice. Fighting for equality. Did they know that today, in 2010, we'd still be struggling? Did they know that today, there would still be people who believe in a hierarchy of race and 'God-given' privilege? It's sad that all humanity can't feel in their heart the same epiphany I felt many years ago...
As a white American, I've grown up in white privilege. I knew nothing different. And I didn't understand the big deal... Why can't we all just get along?? I'd say... If only it were that easy or simple.
Then, as I grew older, not only was race a 'hot topic' social battle, but homosexuality joined in the controversy... To be a white Christian American girl, who just wanted peace, harmony, and couldn't understand why people would choose to judge and fight others, I just didn't get it. On one hand I was being told that to judge another race was wrong...but hey, according to the Bible, it's ok to judge people if they love someone of the same gender... Huh?
Of course, by this time, I was already questioning my own faith, beliefs, and relevance of Christianity in MY life... I remember sitting in a Sunday school lesson one time. We were looking in our little books at a particular lesson. There were a variety of pictures of different instruments on the page and the assignment was this, "Which of these would be found in church?" Of course there were things like an acoustic guitar, a piano, a flute, someone signing, drums, and an electric guitar. I said to my teacher, well, all of these could be found in church. She looked at me as if I had committed a mortal sin! "I don't hardly think an electric guitar belongs in church! Do you?!" Well, needless to say, the shame and confusion I carried with me from that simple little interaction was enough to make me seriously question the relevance of Christianity in my life. Why not an electric guitar? I listened to rock. Wasn't I welcome? Of course, justice prevailed, and about 1 year later, Pop-Christian music became more mainstream, and yep, you guessed it, electric guitars came right along with it! Phew! I felt vindicated!
So, as the battle of homosexuality began its rage, I again asked, "Why not homosexuality??" Ok, so the Bible states all that about "a man shalt not lay with another man..." But lets face it, the Bible WAS written by men. Men aren't perfect. Societies AREN'T perfect. How can I judge someone with disdain for simply loving someone of the same gender? How can society judge a man with disdain simply because of the color of his skin? To me, it seems so simple. It's like the electric guitar...we're just struggling with antiquated thinking... (Ok, so my analogy is weak and VERY simplified) but still, huh??
I had an "Ah-ha" moment a couple of years ago. I realized that we are all connected. Call it Karma, reincarnation, Buddhist enlightenment, or the spirit of connectedness with nature, like in the hit movie Avatar, but I feel like there is no such thing as individual rights. If I dare to limit the rights of any single person or group of people, I am limiting my own. God chose me to be me. He chose you to be you. He chose my grumpy neighbor to be my grumpy neighbor, and the sweet lady at the check out to be that sweet lady. But very easily I could be you, you could be me, he could be her, she could be him... No one is more important than another. No one is better, worse, less or more valued, OR less or more loved by God. We just are. And we are good.
Granted, some of my friends criticize me by saying that I either am really truly judgmental and not just admitting it, or I'm not judgmental enough. "What about rapists, murderers, those who abuse children?" They'd say... "Don' t you judge them? Or are they ok too?" ...Uh, WHAT??! What kind of comparison is THAT?
...Sigh...There is still a long way to go to get people to understand that first of all, homosexuality isn't a crime against humanity, any more than being heterosexual is, or being black or Hispanic, or a man or a woman... And second...judging someone for their behaviors that hurt others is DIFFERENT, and necessary. Judging someone for being human is not.
Now, I've never really considered myself to be either Democrat or Republican. I'm not politically minded, nor do I care to get into the 'boys club' of politics... But I heard someone say once, whats so bad about being liberal?? After all, liberals were the ones who fought for women's liberation, racially equality, and today, equal rights for GLT. Yea, I don't know whats so bad about being liberal. But then again, hard core Christians claim to be Republican. Does that mean that if I choose to ally with the Democratic party, I'm not Christian?? Phew, no wonder non Christians look at us with looks of disgust... What a mess...
So, I have no easy answers to this ongoing dilemma of People of color versus white people, heterosexuals versus homosexuals, Democrats versus Republicans, acoustic versus electric... But I do know that I'm going to follow Jesus. Jesus broke down the barriers. He taught me to love my neighbor, the Samaritan, the beggar, the tax collector, the woman who looks different than me,the man who thinks differently than me, the teenager who dresses differently than me, the couple who live differently than me. Jesus makes it easy. Just know, accept, love. A great quote from "The Shack" is this, "Knowing is the skin of love..." Wow! Just take a step, get to know. Ignorance is not knowing... Ignorance keeps us from love. Ignorance keeps us from following Jesus. Come on friends, KNOW!!!!
Dear God,
This prayer is for those who have given their heart, soul, love, sweat, tears, and lives for equality. You created us equal. But we as sinful humans have divided ourselves due to power, greed, and fear. I pray that you continue to give strength to those who work for the liberation of your people. And also, I pray for those who have the desire for power, greed, and who live with fear in their hearts. May they be healed by your Holy Spirit. May we all be healed, and love each other as Jesus taught us. AMEN!
Peace Friends,
~Erica
As I hide, I'm thinking a variety of thoughts, as I also try to manage the ensuing madness in the other room, the pizza's cooking in the oven, the dog trying to decide if she's brave enough to encroach into the other room, and the cat...well, the cat is NOWHERE to be seen... Hmmm, to be the size of a breadbox...I can see the advantages!
The main thought I have is this, today at church I was once again given confirmation that this is the church for me... Aaron and I have been attending Peach United Church of Christ for about 2 years now...but always as "visitors"... I haven't yet made the leap to become a full-fledged "member". Why? Well, making commitments are always decisions worth taking one's time. Granted, I've loved this church since the very first service we attended, and this year I've even volunteered to teach Sunday School twice a month. So, yea, maybe it's time I made my commitment 'official'.
So, what was it about the service today that reconfirmed my commitment to Peace? Today, and really, this whole upcoming season of Lent is and will be dedicated to promoting and advocating for social justice. Today, we had a beautiful and very honorably done service dedicated to the Reverend Dr Martin Luther King Jr. It was beautiful. Not only was it a nice remembrance of a powerful leader and activist, but the service called to us...well, at least, it called to me. Thank you God that my heart is open to hearing your messages!!
During a beautiful song, up on the screen were black and white photos of activists, some marching, some singing, some listening, some praying. Some being attacked, some being sprayed with water hoses... Every one of these activists fighting for justice. Fighting for equality. Did they know that today, in 2010, we'd still be struggling? Did they know that today, there would still be people who believe in a hierarchy of race and 'God-given' privilege? It's sad that all humanity can't feel in their heart the same epiphany I felt many years ago...
As a white American, I've grown up in white privilege. I knew nothing different. And I didn't understand the big deal... Why can't we all just get along?? I'd say... If only it were that easy or simple.
Then, as I grew older, not only was race a 'hot topic' social battle, but homosexuality joined in the controversy... To be a white Christian American girl, who just wanted peace, harmony, and couldn't understand why people would choose to judge and fight others, I just didn't get it. On one hand I was being told that to judge another race was wrong...but hey, according to the Bible, it's ok to judge people if they love someone of the same gender... Huh?
Of course, by this time, I was already questioning my own faith, beliefs, and relevance of Christianity in MY life... I remember sitting in a Sunday school lesson one time. We were looking in our little books at a particular lesson. There were a variety of pictures of different instruments on the page and the assignment was this, "Which of these would be found in church?" Of course there were things like an acoustic guitar, a piano, a flute, someone signing, drums, and an electric guitar. I said to my teacher, well, all of these could be found in church. She looked at me as if I had committed a mortal sin! "I don't hardly think an electric guitar belongs in church! Do you?!" Well, needless to say, the shame and confusion I carried with me from that simple little interaction was enough to make me seriously question the relevance of Christianity in my life. Why not an electric guitar? I listened to rock. Wasn't I welcome? Of course, justice prevailed, and about 1 year later, Pop-Christian music became more mainstream, and yep, you guessed it, electric guitars came right along with it! Phew! I felt vindicated!
So, as the battle of homosexuality began its rage, I again asked, "Why not homosexuality??" Ok, so the Bible states all that about "a man shalt not lay with another man..." But lets face it, the Bible WAS written by men. Men aren't perfect. Societies AREN'T perfect. How can I judge someone with disdain for simply loving someone of the same gender? How can society judge a man with disdain simply because of the color of his skin? To me, it seems so simple. It's like the electric guitar...we're just struggling with antiquated thinking... (Ok, so my analogy is weak and VERY simplified) but still, huh??
I had an "Ah-ha" moment a couple of years ago. I realized that we are all connected. Call it Karma, reincarnation, Buddhist enlightenment, or the spirit of connectedness with nature, like in the hit movie Avatar, but I feel like there is no such thing as individual rights. If I dare to limit the rights of any single person or group of people, I am limiting my own. God chose me to be me. He chose you to be you. He chose my grumpy neighbor to be my grumpy neighbor, and the sweet lady at the check out to be that sweet lady. But very easily I could be you, you could be me, he could be her, she could be him... No one is more important than another. No one is better, worse, less or more valued, OR less or more loved by God. We just are. And we are good.
Granted, some of my friends criticize me by saying that I either am really truly judgmental and not just admitting it, or I'm not judgmental enough. "What about rapists, murderers, those who abuse children?" They'd say... "Don' t you judge them? Or are they ok too?" ...Uh, WHAT??! What kind of comparison is THAT?
...Sigh...There is still a long way to go to get people to understand that first of all, homosexuality isn't a crime against humanity, any more than being heterosexual is, or being black or Hispanic, or a man or a woman... And second...judging someone for their behaviors that hurt others is DIFFERENT, and necessary. Judging someone for being human is not.
Now, I've never really considered myself to be either Democrat or Republican. I'm not politically minded, nor do I care to get into the 'boys club' of politics... But I heard someone say once, whats so bad about being liberal?? After all, liberals were the ones who fought for women's liberation, racially equality, and today, equal rights for GLT. Yea, I don't know whats so bad about being liberal. But then again, hard core Christians claim to be Republican. Does that mean that if I choose to ally with the Democratic party, I'm not Christian?? Phew, no wonder non Christians look at us with looks of disgust... What a mess...
So, I have no easy answers to this ongoing dilemma of People of color versus white people, heterosexuals versus homosexuals, Democrats versus Republicans, acoustic versus electric... But I do know that I'm going to follow Jesus. Jesus broke down the barriers. He taught me to love my neighbor, the Samaritan, the beggar, the tax collector, the woman who looks different than me,the man who thinks differently than me, the teenager who dresses differently than me, the couple who live differently than me. Jesus makes it easy. Just know, accept, love. A great quote from "The Shack" is this, "Knowing is the skin of love..." Wow! Just take a step, get to know. Ignorance is not knowing... Ignorance keeps us from love. Ignorance keeps us from following Jesus. Come on friends, KNOW!!!!
Dear God,
This prayer is for those who have given their heart, soul, love, sweat, tears, and lives for equality. You created us equal. But we as sinful humans have divided ourselves due to power, greed, and fear. I pray that you continue to give strength to those who work for the liberation of your people. And also, I pray for those who have the desire for power, greed, and who live with fear in their hearts. May they be healed by your Holy Spirit. May we all be healed, and love each other as Jesus taught us. AMEN!
Peace Friends,
~Erica
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Inspiration...at a baby shower! :)
Hi friends,
It was interesting to me how therapeutic blogging was, especially during those first few days... Now I'm at a point where I feel like the pressure has been released, and I'm more balanced in my inner thoughts and inner peace. Thank you everyone who has given me such wonderful and appreciated feedback. Its powerful to me to see and hear about how my words provoked such thought and even change for so many of you! It's true what 'they' say. When you help others, you are really the one to receive the benefit. Thank you all again!!
So, today's blog isn't so much as a need to get my thoughts out on the screen as it is a chance to talk about some of the things I've been thinking for quite some time. Yesterday, at a friend's baby shower, I overhead a coworker talk about adopting... It was a simple comment that many people say every day, but for me it triggered a recall of thoughts I've had over the years about adopting, or at least, fostering children.
During my second marriage, and after it ended, I felt a very strong pull to find out about becoming a foster parent. I actually attended classes and learned about the process and requirements... Ultimately, the two main roadblocks at the time were, I would have to make some expensive modifications to my home to make it 'up to code', and, someone told me, "Once you let in a foster child, you are opening up the streets to your family..." As harsh as this may be, in many ways it's true. Its one of the reasons we protect our personal identity and information working as psych nurses. We have to have boundaries that protect us and our families from the dangerous forces in this world...
but....still.... it still tugs at me... My main argument to this statement is this, My son is 10 (11 tomorrow!!). He is going to grow up in to a young man, and a wonderful adult... He will grow up alongside many children who didn't have the same nurturing and love that he received. Anyone who works with children or in psychology knows about the sometimes, devastating effects that occur in a child's development when they aren't cared for in God's intended manner. A mother responding to a crying baby, a toddler trusting his father as he takes his first step, a child learning that asking "Why?" 50 times is not going to be answered with a slap, but rather, endless (though exhausted) patience... When these milestones AREN'T met in the way God created our little brains to take in these lessons, our brain development goes awry...
Anyway, my point is that, my son is going to grow up next to children who didn't receive God's ideal upbringing... And many children are in a position to be taken in by families who could step in and provide this...or at least, some of this... Don't we owe it to our own children to step in and make a difference for them, and for their peers?
I recall watching a news story on 20/20 or something like that. It was about a small, economically challenged town in the South. The people in the story were primarily African Americans, and the preacher at the local church STRONGLY promoted taking in foster kids and orphans as a way of living out God's will. Well, guess what? Nearly EVERY family in that small town took in at least one child! It was such a beautiful story. These were families who had their own challenges. Some were trying to retire, some were trying their hardest just to make ends meet. Some had children of their own. They ALL joined together and became a community in a more beautiful way than I've ever heard... Imagine if just a fourth of the families in Rochester decided to take in at least 1 child...!! Wow! Imagine the impact we'd have on the future for these children, AND for our own!! What a beautiful example of living out true LOVE, and to pass that on to children and future generations!
It's this belief and hope in my heart that holds adoption and foster care in such deep respect in my heart. Well, the roadblocks won at the time, and as a result, I chose to work in child psych. I feel that God wants me there...at least, at this time in my life, where I can work with children who struggle, many of them in and out of foster care themselves... but someday, I WILL reach out and extend my home, my love, and my arms to the children of this world who are lacking in a warm hug, an encouraging word, or a loving smile...
Jessica M, you inspired this blog... And, the work you do as a mentor for young women in this community fills me with hope that goodness will continue to happen... Thank you!!
Dear God, thank you for inspiration... You have given us an overabundance of ways to become inspired in this world... We only have to open our eyes to see the many ways you have blessed us, and to see the many ways in which we ourselves can make a difference. Give me the strength and courage to keep making changes. And God, bless the hearts of every child out there in this great big world, who doubts, fears, struggles, cries, hurts, and has fallen. We are your servants and I trust that you have given us what we need to go out there and save these children... We only need to do it. AMEN!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
It was interesting to me how therapeutic blogging was, especially during those first few days... Now I'm at a point where I feel like the pressure has been released, and I'm more balanced in my inner thoughts and inner peace. Thank you everyone who has given me such wonderful and appreciated feedback. Its powerful to me to see and hear about how my words provoked such thought and even change for so many of you! It's true what 'they' say. When you help others, you are really the one to receive the benefit. Thank you all again!!
So, today's blog isn't so much as a need to get my thoughts out on the screen as it is a chance to talk about some of the things I've been thinking for quite some time. Yesterday, at a friend's baby shower, I overhead a coworker talk about adopting... It was a simple comment that many people say every day, but for me it triggered a recall of thoughts I've had over the years about adopting, or at least, fostering children.
During my second marriage, and after it ended, I felt a very strong pull to find out about becoming a foster parent. I actually attended classes and learned about the process and requirements... Ultimately, the two main roadblocks at the time were, I would have to make some expensive modifications to my home to make it 'up to code', and, someone told me, "Once you let in a foster child, you are opening up the streets to your family..." As harsh as this may be, in many ways it's true. Its one of the reasons we protect our personal identity and information working as psych nurses. We have to have boundaries that protect us and our families from the dangerous forces in this world...
but....still.... it still tugs at me... My main argument to this statement is this, My son is 10 (11 tomorrow!!). He is going to grow up in to a young man, and a wonderful adult... He will grow up alongside many children who didn't have the same nurturing and love that he received. Anyone who works with children or in psychology knows about the sometimes, devastating effects that occur in a child's development when they aren't cared for in God's intended manner. A mother responding to a crying baby, a toddler trusting his father as he takes his first step, a child learning that asking "Why?" 50 times is not going to be answered with a slap, but rather, endless (though exhausted) patience... When these milestones AREN'T met in the way God created our little brains to take in these lessons, our brain development goes awry...
Anyway, my point is that, my son is going to grow up next to children who didn't receive God's ideal upbringing... And many children are in a position to be taken in by families who could step in and provide this...or at least, some of this... Don't we owe it to our own children to step in and make a difference for them, and for their peers?
I recall watching a news story on 20/20 or something like that. It was about a small, economically challenged town in the South. The people in the story were primarily African Americans, and the preacher at the local church STRONGLY promoted taking in foster kids and orphans as a way of living out God's will. Well, guess what? Nearly EVERY family in that small town took in at least one child! It was such a beautiful story. These were families who had their own challenges. Some were trying to retire, some were trying their hardest just to make ends meet. Some had children of their own. They ALL joined together and became a community in a more beautiful way than I've ever heard... Imagine if just a fourth of the families in Rochester decided to take in at least 1 child...!! Wow! Imagine the impact we'd have on the future for these children, AND for our own!! What a beautiful example of living out true LOVE, and to pass that on to children and future generations!
It's this belief and hope in my heart that holds adoption and foster care in such deep respect in my heart. Well, the roadblocks won at the time, and as a result, I chose to work in child psych. I feel that God wants me there...at least, at this time in my life, where I can work with children who struggle, many of them in and out of foster care themselves... but someday, I WILL reach out and extend my home, my love, and my arms to the children of this world who are lacking in a warm hug, an encouraging word, or a loving smile...
Jessica M, you inspired this blog... And, the work you do as a mentor for young women in this community fills me with hope that goodness will continue to happen... Thank you!!
Dear God, thank you for inspiration... You have given us an overabundance of ways to become inspired in this world... We only have to open our eyes to see the many ways you have blessed us, and to see the many ways in which we ourselves can make a difference. Give me the strength and courage to keep making changes. And God, bless the hearts of every child out there in this great big world, who doubts, fears, struggles, cries, hurts, and has fallen. We are your servants and I trust that you have given us what we need to go out there and save these children... We only need to do it. AMEN!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Thanks for the crossed paths...
I feel this overwhelming urge to make sure that certain people know how much they mean to me... for it is the crossing of our paths in small ways, big ways, life long journeys, or brief little overlaps that make the differences, and make me the woman I am today...
First of all, my parents: Where do I begin? Mom and Dad, you have each in your own special way sculpted me to be who I am. Those little things each day, Mom reading your devotions, getting up early every morning to start your productive day, and you telling me "If you care about something, you do something about it..." are just 3 of the millions of examples I carry with me every minute of every day. Dad, being human, fragile, yet always loving and accepting, on good days and bad. I learned about overcoming struggles and the beauty of humility from you....among so many other lessons. Thank you and I love you both dearly!
From my sister Lisa, I learned that we each are so different, yet so gifted and blessed. And that God intentionally gives us our personalities and skills to carry out specific purposes. Thank you for reassuring me that I'm not crazy! I'm just different than you! :) I love you very much little sister!
From my best friend Jessica, you have accepted me since day one. We've been friends since elementary school.... Wow! What a ride we've had together! You pushed me to do better and no matter if I succeeded or failed, you never treated me differently. Thank you for the countless laughing spells we've shared, the shared secrets, and knowing that if there was no one else we could feel who loved us, we loved and respected each other... You mean the world to me Jessica!!!
For Sara, yes Sara, you're in here too. I don't think you realize how much you've impacted my life. And, based on conversations I've had with other members at church, I'm certainly not the only one who thinks this. For some reason, unknown to me at the time, I had this overwhelming urge to talk to you as our boys were playing at Jefferson after kindergarten one afternoon. Remember that?? :) Looking back now, I can see how the Holy Spirit was crossing our paths... Remember how I invited you over for supper and you admitted you had no idea what a Hotdish was?? :) Good times! Haha... One of my favorite lessons I learned from you was to adopt your "It's Ok..." attitude. Your confidence and unconditional love and acceptance of others was brilliant and I couldn't help but adapt it to my own may of viewing the world. I see how this attitude helps my patients every day at work, and continues to ripple out to new people I meet. Thank you for being a beautiful example of God's love. Oh, and the "World's Worst Mom Award" was another of my favorite lessons. I still use that with Aaron and kids at work! It's the little things that we share that make the biggest differences in the lives of others! Keep up your down-to-earth attitude and showing us how to laugh at ourselves. :)
T,
You were the first 'Good Man' I met during my dating experiences. What a gift and a blessing from God that was! Our relationship/friendship helped me to heal from my divorce and find that courage and strength that was buried so deep inside me that it was hidden, even to me...but not to you. You saw it, nurtured it, and loved it. Thank you for helping me start my journey of self discovery and health. What an interesting path we shared for a while!! Though at times I still miss our friendship, I am happy knowing that God is watching you and you're living out his purpose for you.
Mr Iowa...hehehe....
I've already told you and thanked you for what you've brought to mine and Aaron's lives. And the reason for writing about it today isn't to make you uncomfortable, but to show others that there are men like you out there... First of all, thank you for being one of the strongest examples of a Christian man I've ever met. Your path crossed mine at a time in my life when I doubted the value of Christianity and my bond with God. I didn't believe that real day to day people could live out their lives with the high morals that we've been taught in Sunday School. But you showed me on so many occasions, that even though we aren't perfect, using God as our measuring stick is actually possible in today's world. Not only did you show me what a Christian man was like,(caring, funny, patient, loving, strong, responsible, and honorable) but you also showed me that I deserve to be treated with respect and honor by men. Thank you for making me feel beautiful and precious. You've set the standard very high which is what God intended for you to do in my life. And because of that, I know who I'm looking for now in a relationship. I deserve someone who is thankful, strong, honorable, responsible, and puts his love of God above all, and his family above himself. Over a year and a half, what a wonderful path we've shared. I'm comfortable knowing that as we part ways, I know God has you and your family in his loving embrace, and my life has been enriched because of you.
My Austin soldier...
To you I'm very thankful for the way you openly embraced my son and me into your family. Though our path together had it's ups and downs, I know that it continues to wind together for the purpose of friendship and support. You taught me patience. When things didn't go the way I wanted, it forced me to step back and appreciate us for what we had, time with family and appreciating the simple things in life like a meal together, children playing, laughter, and tenderness. You've been my friend and so patient with me and my ramblings. When life was hard for you, I was a witness to the inner strength of a man who puts his kids needs ahead of his own. Wow, talk about a role model for good fathers!! And now, with the Army calling you away from your children, you give me and everyone in your life a wonderful example of honor and duty. Never once did you say you wouldn't go, despite the chaos it created in your world. You make me want to take all my responsibilities as seriously as you've taken yours. Take care of yourself, and as I told you, I will be praying for your safety. Like I said, the world has too few good men. It certainly can't afford to lose one more. Please be safe, and know that God is watching over you.
Becky,
You were first my neighbor. Then you were the mother of my son's friends. Then you were MY friend. :) You have so many gifts that pour out of you into this world. Being fortunate enough to be your neighbor has allowed some of that 'pouring out' land on me and my family. Thank you Becky for being a supportive and nonjudgmental friend. You listened and supported me over the last few years and no matter what I needed, you were always there, willing and able to help. I only wish I could have been so supportive to you. Your easy going attitude about life and golden heart makes it easy to like you and it's a trait I've tried my best to model. Your playfulness and amazing ability to share joy with kids is a blessing. When I come home from work, tired, crabby, and hungry, I see you, tirelessly mothering your three beautiful kids. You teach me to not be selfish and that having a home is so much more important than having a house. And, with the volunteering you do, you show us that giving back to the world really is easy. We just have to do it. :) Thanks for being a second mom to my son, for being a loving mother to your kids, and for giving us all a beautiful example of a Christian marriage. I admire you both. :)
I could make this list go on forever, talking about, and thanking people for what they've meant to me and how God has worked wonders through the crossing of our paths. But balance is important. Just know that everyone I've met in this life has been a blessing to me. The coworkers who I laugh with, and even those with whom I rarely see. The people at church who greet me with smiles, hugs, and glorious music, and the person I sat next to in the pew who I never even talked to. The patients, the parents, the doctors, and social workers. Everyone has impacted me, and for that I'm grateful.
I pray that your paths take you to a closer relationship with God, and that you find adventure, love, and growth as you go. AMEN!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
First of all, my parents: Where do I begin? Mom and Dad, you have each in your own special way sculpted me to be who I am. Those little things each day, Mom reading your devotions, getting up early every morning to start your productive day, and you telling me "If you care about something, you do something about it..." are just 3 of the millions of examples I carry with me every minute of every day. Dad, being human, fragile, yet always loving and accepting, on good days and bad. I learned about overcoming struggles and the beauty of humility from you....among so many other lessons. Thank you and I love you both dearly!
From my sister Lisa, I learned that we each are so different, yet so gifted and blessed. And that God intentionally gives us our personalities and skills to carry out specific purposes. Thank you for reassuring me that I'm not crazy! I'm just different than you! :) I love you very much little sister!
From my best friend Jessica, you have accepted me since day one. We've been friends since elementary school.... Wow! What a ride we've had together! You pushed me to do better and no matter if I succeeded or failed, you never treated me differently. Thank you for the countless laughing spells we've shared, the shared secrets, and knowing that if there was no one else we could feel who loved us, we loved and respected each other... You mean the world to me Jessica!!!
For Sara, yes Sara, you're in here too. I don't think you realize how much you've impacted my life. And, based on conversations I've had with other members at church, I'm certainly not the only one who thinks this. For some reason, unknown to me at the time, I had this overwhelming urge to talk to you as our boys were playing at Jefferson after kindergarten one afternoon. Remember that?? :) Looking back now, I can see how the Holy Spirit was crossing our paths... Remember how I invited you over for supper and you admitted you had no idea what a Hotdish was?? :) Good times! Haha... One of my favorite lessons I learned from you was to adopt your "It's Ok..." attitude. Your confidence and unconditional love and acceptance of others was brilliant and I couldn't help but adapt it to my own may of viewing the world. I see how this attitude helps my patients every day at work, and continues to ripple out to new people I meet. Thank you for being a beautiful example of God's love. Oh, and the "World's Worst Mom Award" was another of my favorite lessons. I still use that with Aaron and kids at work! It's the little things that we share that make the biggest differences in the lives of others! Keep up your down-to-earth attitude and showing us how to laugh at ourselves. :)
T,
You were the first 'Good Man' I met during my dating experiences. What a gift and a blessing from God that was! Our relationship/friendship helped me to heal from my divorce and find that courage and strength that was buried so deep inside me that it was hidden, even to me...but not to you. You saw it, nurtured it, and loved it. Thank you for helping me start my journey of self discovery and health. What an interesting path we shared for a while!! Though at times I still miss our friendship, I am happy knowing that God is watching you and you're living out his purpose for you.
Mr Iowa...hehehe....
I've already told you and thanked you for what you've brought to mine and Aaron's lives. And the reason for writing about it today isn't to make you uncomfortable, but to show others that there are men like you out there... First of all, thank you for being one of the strongest examples of a Christian man I've ever met. Your path crossed mine at a time in my life when I doubted the value of Christianity and my bond with God. I didn't believe that real day to day people could live out their lives with the high morals that we've been taught in Sunday School. But you showed me on so many occasions, that even though we aren't perfect, using God as our measuring stick is actually possible in today's world. Not only did you show me what a Christian man was like,(caring, funny, patient, loving, strong, responsible, and honorable) but you also showed me that I deserve to be treated with respect and honor by men. Thank you for making me feel beautiful and precious. You've set the standard very high which is what God intended for you to do in my life. And because of that, I know who I'm looking for now in a relationship. I deserve someone who is thankful, strong, honorable, responsible, and puts his love of God above all, and his family above himself. Over a year and a half, what a wonderful path we've shared. I'm comfortable knowing that as we part ways, I know God has you and your family in his loving embrace, and my life has been enriched because of you.
My Austin soldier...
To you I'm very thankful for the way you openly embraced my son and me into your family. Though our path together had it's ups and downs, I know that it continues to wind together for the purpose of friendship and support. You taught me patience. When things didn't go the way I wanted, it forced me to step back and appreciate us for what we had, time with family and appreciating the simple things in life like a meal together, children playing, laughter, and tenderness. You've been my friend and so patient with me and my ramblings. When life was hard for you, I was a witness to the inner strength of a man who puts his kids needs ahead of his own. Wow, talk about a role model for good fathers!! And now, with the Army calling you away from your children, you give me and everyone in your life a wonderful example of honor and duty. Never once did you say you wouldn't go, despite the chaos it created in your world. You make me want to take all my responsibilities as seriously as you've taken yours. Take care of yourself, and as I told you, I will be praying for your safety. Like I said, the world has too few good men. It certainly can't afford to lose one more. Please be safe, and know that God is watching over you.
Becky,
You were first my neighbor. Then you were the mother of my son's friends. Then you were MY friend. :) You have so many gifts that pour out of you into this world. Being fortunate enough to be your neighbor has allowed some of that 'pouring out' land on me and my family. Thank you Becky for being a supportive and nonjudgmental friend. You listened and supported me over the last few years and no matter what I needed, you were always there, willing and able to help. I only wish I could have been so supportive to you. Your easy going attitude about life and golden heart makes it easy to like you and it's a trait I've tried my best to model. Your playfulness and amazing ability to share joy with kids is a blessing. When I come home from work, tired, crabby, and hungry, I see you, tirelessly mothering your three beautiful kids. You teach me to not be selfish and that having a home is so much more important than having a house. And, with the volunteering you do, you show us that giving back to the world really is easy. We just have to do it. :) Thanks for being a second mom to my son, for being a loving mother to your kids, and for giving us all a beautiful example of a Christian marriage. I admire you both. :)
I could make this list go on forever, talking about, and thanking people for what they've meant to me and how God has worked wonders through the crossing of our paths. But balance is important. Just know that everyone I've met in this life has been a blessing to me. The coworkers who I laugh with, and even those with whom I rarely see. The people at church who greet me with smiles, hugs, and glorious music, and the person I sat next to in the pew who I never even talked to. The patients, the parents, the doctors, and social workers. Everyone has impacted me, and for that I'm grateful.
I pray that your paths take you to a closer relationship with God, and that you find adventure, love, and growth as you go. AMEN!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
Saturday, January 9, 2010
My Personal Journey of Health
First of all, I need to thank everyone who's been so supportive of my blogging! I was EXTREMELY nervous about putting my thoughts out there so openly, but deep down I figured, if I'm having these thoughts, chances are someone else is too and maybe in some weird way, I could help someone...
And I've been pleasantly surprised that some people actually appreciated my writing! Wow!!! That's pretty much the BIGGEST honor I can receive!!! Thank you God for helping me to help others! You are SO GREAT!!!
So, with the encouragement of one of my dear friends, today, I'm going to write just a little bit about how I got to be where I am today...in terms of my physical health, in hopes that I can share my story and maybe, help someone....
First of all, some people have commented about my exercise and health routine. I haven't always been a die-hard exercise and eat-right person. Yes, I do make it a goal to get outta bed around 4 am everyday to do a round of P90x or an early morning jog around the neighborhood before work starts at 7... But getting to where I am today was NOT easy! ...sigh...I'm tired just thinking about it!!....
Going back in time about 2 years, I was a recently divorced single mom...(Now, here's the kicker that not too many people know about me, this was divorce # 2!! Thus, needless to say, it did a HUGE number on my self-worth! My first marriage was to Aaron's father. We divorced about a year after he was born...These aren't facts I'm particularly proud of, but hey, it's life, it's me, and without these 'adventures', I wouldn't be the woman I am today... And also, just know, I will be the LAST person to JUDGE anyone for their marital struggles...) :-)
So, back to 2 years ago....I didn't like how I looked...which was a struggle I've dealt with since I was a little (pudgy) girl. I grew up always feeling like the odd girl out. As a kid, I wasn't cute or slim enough to be the class "princess", I wasn't smart enough to be in the "elite" brainiac crowd (though I DESPERATELY wanted to be! I'm such a nerd at heart! :)), but then again, I was TOO smart to be with the "cool kids", and, of course, I was to pudgy to be with the jocks.... sigh.... school can be SO CRUEL!!
So, being divorced...again, AND being 30, I realized this was NOT how my 30th was supposed to go! I mean, on tv and movies, your 30th is supposed to be the start of a glamorous new life of freedom and wisdom...right?? Well, my 30th went by pretty much in a blurry gray funk...
Then, a great thing happened... I turned 31!!! And with that birthday, I realized, I have completely wasted a year!!! I didn't get ONE INCH closer to becoming the woman I imagined myself to be. Well, call it anger, or frustration, or complete and total surrender...but I'd had enough!
I didn't care anymore about the excuses, the reasons, the doubts, the fears, or anything else that had been holding me back from becoming the woman I wanted to be. I told myself, I love my heart, I am a smart woman, I have a great job, and an AWESOME son and family.
The ONLY thing I didn't like was my physical state of being. (I was about 40 pounds overweight, and tired of hiding it in frumpy clothes.) So, ONE thing was keeping me from being who I wanted to be. JUST ONE THING!! ....ARGH!!!
Wel..nothing was going to get in my way ANYMORE! 31 was going to be the year I changed my life and took control!! So,.....
#1 I joined the YMCA for me and my son so we could use the pool and jogging track. (And I bought us each a fancy new gym bag, invested in workout clothes, and a swimsuit....(yikes!)) I swam laps for 30 minutes a couple times a week, alternating each lap with a different stroke... Wow!! THAT'S a total body workout!!!!
#2 I stopped drinking pop...(I have actual studies that will show you how horrible pop is for our bodies!) At first it was TORTURE! But, I'm happy to say I'm STILL pop-free!!! (I swear one day it'll be classified as an addictive substance!)
#3 I pulled out our Dance Dance Revolution game and played it every moment I could... (Alone at first...until I got REALLY good!! Then I challenged Aaron every chance I could! Hehehe...) It burns SO MANY CALORIES and it's so FUN!!! Try it if you haven't!!
#4 I started jogging...first slowly, and just around the block, but gradually longer and longer...with my dog. (Poor sweet willing companion!)
#5 I bought a food scale and shiny new measuring cups, and went on calorie counting websites to figure out how many calories I should be consuming...and then, followed my own plan. (Man! I washed so many dishes, did so much calculating, and wrote down so many meal plans back then! But hey, it was SO worth it!!!)
#6 I added fiber to EVERYTHING because it helped me feel full. (I bought the HIGH FIBER version of everything I could!)
#7 I stopped drinking ANYTHING but water, milk, or tea. (Fluid calories were a no-no! Except for milk)
#8 I realized that it was all about math. In versus out. I had it down to a science and I knew no matter what I did, as long as I followed the plan, I was going to lose weight! AND, I was eating AS MUCH AS I WANTED! It was GREAT!!!
# 8 THEN..... I would take monthly trips to the mall to downsize my wardrobe!!! (One of my favorite parts!!) It was so nice realizing that I could actually start to wear the clothes that were on the mannequins!!
AND...#9 I started dating...but that's a whole other story... Hahaha.....
So, by 6 months I had dropped almost 30 pounds! I was trimming inches and toning muscle. And today, 2 years later, I've kept it off. Not to say I haven't had ups and downs, but I keep trying new things. I don't swim as much anymore, as Aaron is so busy with sports...and I hate having wet hair in the winter...haha. And I reduced my jogging and calorie counting, now that I've got a better handle of moderation...and portion sizes
But now, to keep things fun and new, I'm doing the workout called P90x (you've probably seen it on those annoying late night infomercials. Haha...) It's a butt-kicker, but I tell you what, it works! I started slow...I mean S L O W, and... I'm kind of stubborn, meaning, I hate other people telling me what to do...even if they're on a DVD! So, I've tailored it to fit me...and my stubbornness. :)
Some people love classes and group athletics. Not me! I hate them! I am very much a solitary exerciser. But, that's just me. (Stubborn!!) Haha.
So, I guess that pretty much sums up how I got to this point. I think back to that statement I made when I turned 31, how there was only 1 thing keeping me from being that woman I longed to be. WOW!! Knowing what I know now, there was SO MUCH more that changed about me. I've become more confident, more patient, I finished my bachelor's degree, I took on more responsibility at work and church, and my relationship with God has vastly improved....but THAT'S ALSO another story!
31 was my best year...at that time. But honestly, 33 is even better! I can't wait to see what this next year will bring me!! I love getting older!!! :)
Dear God, I thank you for the gifts of life, love, and health. My body is a precious tool to live out the purpose you have for me. I'm sorry I spent so many years ignoring your purpose because I neglected my body and soul. I pray every day I become physically and mentally stronger so I can carry out your will. I need to help others, care for others, and if needed, carry others. And I'll need your strength. Thank you for the strength I've found within myself and within my growing relationship with you. AMEN!
To all my friends, I love you all, and I wish this year to be your best year ever...and the start of something new! God Bless!!!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
PS, I'm always excited to talk about new ways to promote physical health. I try not to be preachy or a know-it-all...I hate it when people are like that with me... So, feel free to talk about your ideas!! I really do want to hear them!!! :) AND, the fact that you all take the time to read my thoughts is quite truly a fantastic honor, and I thank you for that!!!
And I've been pleasantly surprised that some people actually appreciated my writing! Wow!!! That's pretty much the BIGGEST honor I can receive!!! Thank you God for helping me to help others! You are SO GREAT!!!
So, with the encouragement of one of my dear friends, today, I'm going to write just a little bit about how I got to be where I am today...in terms of my physical health, in hopes that I can share my story and maybe, help someone....
First of all, some people have commented about my exercise and health routine. I haven't always been a die-hard exercise and eat-right person. Yes, I do make it a goal to get outta bed around 4 am everyday to do a round of P90x or an early morning jog around the neighborhood before work starts at 7... But getting to where I am today was NOT easy! ...sigh...I'm tired just thinking about it!!....
Going back in time about 2 years, I was a recently divorced single mom...(Now, here's the kicker that not too many people know about me, this was divorce # 2!! Thus, needless to say, it did a HUGE number on my self-worth! My first marriage was to Aaron's father. We divorced about a year after he was born...These aren't facts I'm particularly proud of, but hey, it's life, it's me, and without these 'adventures', I wouldn't be the woman I am today... And also, just know, I will be the LAST person to JUDGE anyone for their marital struggles...) :-)
So, back to 2 years ago....I didn't like how I looked...which was a struggle I've dealt with since I was a little (pudgy) girl. I grew up always feeling like the odd girl out. As a kid, I wasn't cute or slim enough to be the class "princess", I wasn't smart enough to be in the "elite" brainiac crowd (though I DESPERATELY wanted to be! I'm such a nerd at heart! :)), but then again, I was TOO smart to be with the "cool kids", and, of course, I was to pudgy to be with the jocks.... sigh.... school can be SO CRUEL!!
So, being divorced...again, AND being 30, I realized this was NOT how my 30th was supposed to go! I mean, on tv and movies, your 30th is supposed to be the start of a glamorous new life of freedom and wisdom...right?? Well, my 30th went by pretty much in a blurry gray funk...
Then, a great thing happened... I turned 31!!! And with that birthday, I realized, I have completely wasted a year!!! I didn't get ONE INCH closer to becoming the woman I imagined myself to be. Well, call it anger, or frustration, or complete and total surrender...but I'd had enough!
I didn't care anymore about the excuses, the reasons, the doubts, the fears, or anything else that had been holding me back from becoming the woman I wanted to be. I told myself, I love my heart, I am a smart woman, I have a great job, and an AWESOME son and family.
The ONLY thing I didn't like was my physical state of being. (I was about 40 pounds overweight, and tired of hiding it in frumpy clothes.) So, ONE thing was keeping me from being who I wanted to be. JUST ONE THING!! ....ARGH!!!
Wel..nothing was going to get in my way ANYMORE! 31 was going to be the year I changed my life and took control!! So,.....
#1 I joined the YMCA for me and my son so we could use the pool and jogging track. (And I bought us each a fancy new gym bag, invested in workout clothes, and a swimsuit....(yikes!)) I swam laps for 30 minutes a couple times a week, alternating each lap with a different stroke... Wow!! THAT'S a total body workout!!!!
#2 I stopped drinking pop...(I have actual studies that will show you how horrible pop is for our bodies!) At first it was TORTURE! But, I'm happy to say I'm STILL pop-free!!! (I swear one day it'll be classified as an addictive substance!)
#3 I pulled out our Dance Dance Revolution game and played it every moment I could... (Alone at first...until I got REALLY good!! Then I challenged Aaron every chance I could! Hehehe...) It burns SO MANY CALORIES and it's so FUN!!! Try it if you haven't!!
#4 I started jogging...first slowly, and just around the block, but gradually longer and longer...with my dog. (Poor sweet willing companion!)
#5 I bought a food scale and shiny new measuring cups, and went on calorie counting websites to figure out how many calories I should be consuming...and then, followed my own plan. (Man! I washed so many dishes, did so much calculating, and wrote down so many meal plans back then! But hey, it was SO worth it!!!)
#6 I added fiber to EVERYTHING because it helped me feel full. (I bought the HIGH FIBER version of everything I could!)
#7 I stopped drinking ANYTHING but water, milk, or tea. (Fluid calories were a no-no! Except for milk)
#8 I realized that it was all about math. In versus out. I had it down to a science and I knew no matter what I did, as long as I followed the plan, I was going to lose weight! AND, I was eating AS MUCH AS I WANTED! It was GREAT!!!
# 8 THEN..... I would take monthly trips to the mall to downsize my wardrobe!!! (One of my favorite parts!!) It was so nice realizing that I could actually start to wear the clothes that were on the mannequins!!
AND...#9 I started dating...but that's a whole other story... Hahaha.....
So, by 6 months I had dropped almost 30 pounds! I was trimming inches and toning muscle. And today, 2 years later, I've kept it off. Not to say I haven't had ups and downs, but I keep trying new things. I don't swim as much anymore, as Aaron is so busy with sports...and I hate having wet hair in the winter...haha. And I reduced my jogging and calorie counting, now that I've got a better handle of moderation...and portion sizes
But now, to keep things fun and new, I'm doing the workout called P90x (you've probably seen it on those annoying late night infomercials. Haha...) It's a butt-kicker, but I tell you what, it works! I started slow...I mean S L O W, and... I'm kind of stubborn, meaning, I hate other people telling me what to do...even if they're on a DVD! So, I've tailored it to fit me...and my stubbornness. :)
Some people love classes and group athletics. Not me! I hate them! I am very much a solitary exerciser. But, that's just me. (Stubborn!!) Haha.
So, I guess that pretty much sums up how I got to this point. I think back to that statement I made when I turned 31, how there was only 1 thing keeping me from being that woman I longed to be. WOW!! Knowing what I know now, there was SO MUCH more that changed about me. I've become more confident, more patient, I finished my bachelor's degree, I took on more responsibility at work and church, and my relationship with God has vastly improved....but THAT'S ALSO another story!
31 was my best year...at that time. But honestly, 33 is even better! I can't wait to see what this next year will bring me!! I love getting older!!! :)
Dear God, I thank you for the gifts of life, love, and health. My body is a precious tool to live out the purpose you have for me. I'm sorry I spent so many years ignoring your purpose because I neglected my body and soul. I pray every day I become physically and mentally stronger so I can carry out your will. I need to help others, care for others, and if needed, carry others. And I'll need your strength. Thank you for the strength I've found within myself and within my growing relationship with you. AMEN!
To all my friends, I love you all, and I wish this year to be your best year ever...and the start of something new! God Bless!!!
Peace Friends!
~Erica
PS, I'm always excited to talk about new ways to promote physical health. I try not to be preachy or a know-it-all...I hate it when people are like that with me... So, feel free to talk about your ideas!! I really do want to hear them!!! :) AND, the fact that you all take the time to read my thoughts is quite truly a fantastic honor, and I thank you for that!!!
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